Chapter 3 – A Boy and a Girl

The girl who rode the swaying train did not know.

She was missing something. There were important memories that she did not have, and yet she did not know.

If a person left Sakurada, they would forget about abilities. The girl who had forgotten her ability had no need to question who she was.

Everything regarding two years ago and that summer had been rewritten into false memories. As far as she knew, she had every reason to believe that she was just another normal girl. She wasn’t even aware that she believed that, so her belief was impenetrable.

In a way, it was probably its own form of happiness. She was able to live in her own sort of dream state, and even if it was a lie, she was happy, and nobody could take that away from her.

The train began to slow down as it approached a station. The man opposite her stood up to disembark, but nobody else got on the train.

Should be the next station.

The girl looked out the window, finding a round clock on the platform. It was almost 4:30 PM. 4:30 PM in late October, approaching evening but not nearly nighttime. But it was dark enough that the birds flying before her only looked like silhouettes against the vanilla landscape.

The train doors shut as it began moving again. She listened as the announcer proclaimed the next stop, a town called Sakurada.

The train rocked back and forth, making clacking sounds not unlike the ticking of a second hand.

The girl thought about the boy.

The next day was a day off of school, making up for the school festival that had occurred on Sunday. The girl considered the ways that she could spend her day off with the boy. Perhaps it could have been considered mundane, or small-scale, but the girl was considering her possibilities with all seriousness.

I probably don’t even have to go to the effort of making up a reason.

The train continued smoothly down its straight track.

But still, a good excuse would probably come in handy.

Just something trivial that they both would know was nothing more than an excuse. One that they didn’t even really need. Something they could conveniently use as a pretense. Getting a present for someone, or a café that was just too fancy for her to visit by herself. A nonsensical, good-enough reason to go and see him the next day.

The girl continued picking her brain for ideas.

She couldn’t help but twitch her mouth up, smiling softly.

The train swayed with a noticeable groan. The clock that she could no longer see continued to tick forward invisibly.

The girl looked out the window. She noticed the wonderful contrast between the electrical lines and the still-lit but softly dimming sky.

Her face was reflected in the window, likely due to the brighter lighting from inside the train. It was a face she knew well. The one she made while she practiced her smile.

At that point, both the train and the girl crossed a line. The invisible line that separated Sakurada from the rest of the planet.

The girl was thrown into an entirely different world.

She didn’t know when it began, but the change was reflected in the window as her face became horribly distorted. All of a sudden, she couldn’t even recognize who it was.

What… is this?

She gripped her head tightly.

Information seared through her brain like a powerful, drug-induced episode. Her vision blurred with tears that she couldn’t even understand at first. The pain suffocated her until she closed her eyes, and the moment she did, she forgot that she was even crying.

Stop it!

She screamed, and yet didn’t make a sound.

Stop it! Please! she screamed to some unknown entity.

But then, an instinctive recognition switched on inside her. A great, unbearable something began clawing its way out from within.

Her memories. Violent memories.

Sakurada. A town of ability users. Her ability. The events of two years prior. A girl’s death. What that girl lost. What she could never have. The hurt. The hurt that never ended.

She was past the end of her plan.

There was nothing that could save her anymore.

Oh. I didn’t know… I was so fragile.

She could never bear the weight of all those memories.

She heard something break. It all became unbearable, and yet they didn’t stop. A war raged inside her.

Asai Kei.

The girl remembered the boy. The boy who went through so much pain in an effort to save a girl who died two years ago. A girl that looked so much like her.

I’m sorry.

She was sorry. She couldn’t think of anything else. She was just sorry.

I was wrong this whole time.

But surely she had figured that out some time in the past.

I’m sorry, Kei. I don’t think any of it was actually for you after all.

She definitely wouldn’t get the chance to see him tomorrow.

“I’m sorry,” she quietly muttered, once and for all.

The girl laid down on her seat.

The train roared forwards. Eventually, it reached a large curve, slowing down as it went in.

The sky outside the window was painted red by the setting sun. The world darkened further into more silhouettes.

A nearby passenger called out to the girl, concerned. But she didn’t respond. The girl had closed her eyes, no longer capable of understanding the noises around her.

The girl had stopped thinking. She had switched off her consciousness in order to protect herself from her memories.

She had abandoned herself, becoming little more than a quiet, empty vessel.

Souma Sumire slept.

1 – The same day, 5 PM

Nonō Seika knit her eyebrows in displeasure. Her pure white skin stood out magnificently in the dusktime light. Haruki Misora sat beside her in front of the shrine up the low mountain.

“First, put everything you can think of into Box A,” Nonō said.

Haruki listened carefully, her hand on a cat that was beside her.

“Then, take a good look at the box. Then, as you find problems with things in Box A, place them into Box B.”

Haruki tilted her head. “What is this about?”

“A long time ago, an old man taught me how to find what’s right.”

“What is right?”

Nonō Seika nodded. “Ultimately, everything has something wrong with it, even if you don’t recognize it at first. But if you can acknowledge its problems and still find it to be right, that is something that can be truly righteous.”

Was that true? “Are you absolutely sure that nothing in existence is purely right?”

“If there is, I haven’t found it.”

“What about cats?”

“They can be quick to use their claws, and they can lead a lonely existence sometimes.”

That came as a surprise. “I thought you loved everything about cats, from the tips of their ears to the ends of their tails.”

“I do love them. Of course I do. Even the ones that are quick to use their claws and ignore you on their own selfish whims.”

That didn’t make any sense.

Haruki looked up at the evening sky. It had been clear and sunny all day, but the evening had brought clouds that reflected and absorbed the yellowish-pink light, creating beautiful gradations throughout. It was so beautiful that it almost looked fake.

Nonō Seika gently stroked the cat in her lap. “Sometimes what you love is a separate category from what’s right. Cats have their good and bad sides to them, but I love them all the same. Even their bad parts.”

Haruki repeated the girl’s words for a second time in her head.

Suddenly, it clicked. It hadn’t made sense until someone else explained it to her.

Righteousness was not the same as emotion.

It was something in the way of a discovery for Haruki.

I wonder why that is? I had always thought that the right things needed to be loved unconditionally as a matter of fact.

And, of course, she still believed that.

But maybe the world didn’t work that way. Perhaps that was why her conversation with The Index had broken down so terribly.

“Would Kei have his own problematic places as well?”

“Of course he would. That’s only natural.”

“But where could he ever be wrong?”

“I don’t know. But do you really think it’s impossible for him to be wrong?”

Haruki Misora wanted to nod in response, but couldn’t bring herself to. She felt like doing so would be overlooking something important.

As she struggled, Nonō spoke back up. “Personally, I think it’d be a bit tragic if you truly thought Asai Kei could never do wrong.”

“What would be so tragic about it?”

“Asai himself.” Nonō’s eyes had been focused on the cat in her lap, but they quietly raised up. Her wispy black hair fluttered around her ears. “If Asai Kei is the boy who can do no wrong, then the very moment that he makes a single mistake, he will cease to be Asai Kei. That would be so tragic. I could never take being held to the standard of living a life with no mistakes.”

Haruki Misora shut her eyes tightly.

After some time, she noticed a foundational contradiction from within herself.

Asai Kei is never wrong. She had always believed that.

He always makes too many sacrifices. And that made her sad.

But those two statements were one and the same. It was the same observation from two different perspectives.

Asai Kei could never make mistakes, so he always had to sacrifice. He had to always be right, which meant he had to take on all the hurt. When she finally recognized those thoughts for what they were, she realized that she had thought them for a long time.

But maybe she hadn’t ever been fooled. Maybe she had always known, yet turned a blind eye to it.

Asai Kei is never wrong. Without that foundation, Haruki Misora had nothing to live for.

She heard Nonō Seika’s voice. “That’s why it’s important for us to distinguish between what’s right and what’s wrong. But we can recognize what’s wrong while also treating it as something that’s right. Because if we can’t… then no matter how strongly we believe in something, it just won’t last.”

Haruki opened her eyes to see the other girl smiling.

“You look like you’re gonna cry.”

Strangely enough, Haruki had been feeling like crying an awful lot as of late. It was as though she had become more fragile recently.

She shook her head for no apparent reason. “I think there are many more things I have to consider.”

All she could do was examine everything one by one. Even when it came to the things that she had seen before, but chosen not to pay attention to.

Haruki Misora breathed out. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, even though she hadn’t cried. “I still do not know how Asai Kei could be wrong.”

She recalled The Index’s words.

It’s a bit overkill to believe in everything he does just because it’s right.

Maybe if knowing what was right wasn’t enough, it would be worth searching for some of his mistakes.

Despite her smile, Nonō Seika let out an exhausted yawn. “Me, too. I also have some things I need to calm down and think about.”

Oh, right. The conversation had changed course at some point, but Haruki Misora had initially come to the shrine in order to convince Nonō Seika towards taking action.

Kei himself was supposed to go and see her, but he had gotten somewhat busy, so Haruki went in his place. Evidently, Kei had to attend some kind of confusing meeting with Urachi Masamune. He had said it was mostly a cleanup job, covering up what had occurred just earlier.

The reason he had wanted to go and see Nonō was to request her help in rescuing the two individuals who made up the Boundary Line. Kei had theorized that by combining Sakagami Yousuke and Nonō Seika’s abilities, a cat could gain and use a person’s ability. If that were true, then Kagaya could lock the cat in that condition, making the ability permanent. That would leave Sakurada’s Boundary Line, now only kept in place by Urachi’s frozen parents, to a cat rather than a human. Ideally, that would allow Urachi’s parents to live normal human lives again.

But, that solution still came with its own big problem: they would be sacrificing a cat rather than a human. And that was a condition that they would have to make Nonō Seika accept.

“I can’t do it,” she said.

“Is a cat more important than a human?” Haruki asked.

“Even as long as I considered them to be equal, it wouldn’t be worth sacrificing one for another.”

That was a fair argument. Haruki asked another question. “Are humans and cats equal?”

“I… love cats more than humans,” she answered after a tortured silence. Her voice was small, and she was clearly upset. She made spasms of frowns that seemed like jolts of pain. “I get it, okay? I know that I’m a human. I know that it’s right to choose a human over a cat.”

But sometimes what was loved was a separate category from what was right.

Nonō-san isn’t gonna just nod along and go with it, Asai Kei had said. But she’ll listen. She’ll take it seriously without denying it on principle. For today, all we have to do is bring up the suggestion.

That meant that by having proposed the idea, Haruki’s work for the day was done. It was about time, too, as the dusk had spread considerably, and night was falling fast.

“I will return home now,” Haruki stated, standing up on the steps.

“I’m gonna stick around for a bit.” Nonō hugged the cat in her lap with both hands. It was a rather forceful gesture, coming from her, and the cat sounded a half-hearted yowl in surprise.

“I will return at a later date.”

“Mm.”

Haruki took one step away, then two. Then, she turned around. “We will not be stopping the cat’s time forever, Nonō-san. Kei plans to find a way eventually where not even a single cat would need to be sacrificed.”

Nonō Seika was still clutching the cat. It thrashed about for a time, but ultimately accepted the embrace.

“I know.”

The darkness obscured the girl’s face, and Haruki couldn’t see her expression. Similarly, Haruki figured that her own face was likely hidden from view. But Haruki wasn’t even sure what kind of expression she herself was making.

She turned around and began walking away again.

Asai Kei had said something else.

In the end, she’ll go along with what we ask.

But Haruki Misora knew that the smile he had made when he said that was nowhere near approaching genuine.

She wondered if she should call him to inform him that it was done.

Carefully making her way down the dark, unstable mountain path, she pulled out her cell phone. It was almost 5:30 PM.

Just as she was making her way to the contacts list, her phone rang. The caller’s name appeared on the monitor as Asai Kei. It was like a miracle. Something even more mysterious than an ability. She quickly pressed the answer button.

“Is that you, Kei?”

She knew it was, but felt like she had to check for some reason. She had always done so, ever since getting her own cell phone.

She heard his voice. “Yeah. Are you with Nonō-san?”

“I am. I was just starting to head home.”

“Thanks for the help. The thing is, I’ve got a favor to ask you.”

His voice was stiff. Whatever the favor was, it didn’t sound like something he liked very much.

“Please, Haruki… I need your help.”

Haruki Misora lightly bit her lip.

Please. He almost never used that word. Probably because he knew that when he did, she would always do what he asked.

It was like an order that couldn’t be refused. Which meant he was ready to accept full responsibility.

Which meant that he was once again going to shoot first and ask questions later, wearing himself out in the process.

But when he followed up, his tone carried a contradictory chill.

“Souma Sumire fell into a coma. I want to help her.”

✽

Asai Kei sat on the edge of a sofa that had lost most of its cushioning. His whole body was slack, and his head was hanging low.

He was in the lobby of a hospital whose visiting hours had long since ended.

The only sound was a single set of steady, paced footsteps, headed directly his way. When the sound stopped right nearby, Kei lifted his head.

Ukawa Sasane. She looked down at him for a moment, then sat beside him on the opposite end of the sofa. She thrust a red cardboard box towards him. “You eat Kit-Kats?”

That got Kei to smile, like the flicking of a starter switch. “I really appreciate that, but I’m actually thirsty.”

“Then go drink some water.”

“I just don’t want anything sweet right now.”

“Hm.” She pulled back the red box. He expected her to rip open the packaging right there, but she didn’t. Instead, she just placed the box between the two of them. “So how’s Souma Sumire doin’?”

“Still asleep. Unfortunately, that’s all I know. They only just checked her in.”

“Did you tell them to take her here?”

“I asked Urachi-san for a favor.”

“Wow. You worked all that out fast.” Ukawa put her chin in her hand, gazing into Kei’s face. “Did you know this would happen?”

“No.”

Kei had been able to utilize the ability of future sight for ten minutes the previous night. But he hadn’t seen enough of the future. All he had been able to do was guarantee that Souma Sumire could escape from Urachi Masamune. He had been so focused on that singular goal that he knew hardly anything of what would happen afterwards.

“I did know this was a possibility, though,” he admitted.

Ultimately, Kei had instructed Souma Sumire to leave Sakurada. It was the most effective way for her to escape Urachi, since once she left and forgot her ability, the Bureau would have less reason to act against her. She was quite literally powerless out there. It certainly wasn’t a permanent solution, but it was enough for a single night.

But I knew. He knew what it would mean to take Souma out of Sakurada and put her back in. Her memories were so special, and even tragic. Forgetting that and becoming a normal girl, only to suddenly have it thrust back upon her, was more than he could expect anyone to take on. Not even Souma Sumire would be able to handle it.

…Actually, it’s because she’s Souma Sumire that she couldn’t handle it.

He remembered how she cried in the bathroom the night before his reset. Then, there was what she said before leaving.

Goodbye.

No doubt she’d already reached her limit.

Souma Sumire seemed like an unparalleled genius, someone with infinite knowledge and wisdom. But she was just a girl in middle school. She was fragile. She felt pain and hurt. Yet she had pushed past it all, enduring everything and charging right along for such a long time. It was a recipe for a breakdown.

Souma Sumire had to have known that she would break down once she finally reached her self-imposed goal. And she had long since passed that point.

He couldn’t stop his guilty smirk. “Y’know, Ukawa-san… This outcome was pretty obvious.”

Taking her out of Sakurada and putting her back in was only ever going to scar her deeply. It was obvious, once he thought about it. Of course, he had imagined the possibility. He had probably been more or less certain, but still went through with it anyway, since it was the most efficient solution.

Don’t give me that! his mind screamed at him. How long does she have to coddle you? How many times do you have to hurt her before it’s enough?! Efficient? What a bunch of crap. Just tell me what’s so efficient about cornering Souma Sumire into a space that she can’t escape from!

It was disgusting.

It wasn’t anywhere near the place his ideals called him to be, and he hated it from the bottom of his heart.

“So what’s your plan now?”

“To follow the plan. I’ll go save her.”

Of course he would.

As long as he used stronger words, it would make him look stronger.

“This was always the plan. She was hurt, just like I planned. So now I’ll go help her, just like I planned.”

I hurt her, and I help her.

He was the worst. He wasn’t in the right at all.

And really, he didn’t deserve to even try and save Souma Sumire. The number one person who had caused the most pain to Souma Sumire was by far Asai Kei. He was the last person who should be the one to go help her. But he would ignore that, follow his own selfish desires, and go help her anyway. Even if he didn’t have the right, he wanted to reach out to her.

“I don’t think you’re righteous, Asai Kei.”

As if he didn’t know.

“You’re not good, or pure, and you’re certainly no champion of justice.”

He already knew that.

“But I still think there’s a hero inside you.”

Her voice came off as comforting. But it still hurt. Kei grimaced, but she continued on.

“No matter how badly you want to become omnipotent, you can’t. But you never let that stop you from dreaming of a world where you can help everyone around you. No matter how weak or cruel you look, and no matter what others on the outside might think, you always act the hero.”

She was wrong. “I’m just selfish, is all.” A selfish coward, who couldn’t accept reality and had no choice but to try and change it. He could only ever put up resistance, always in the position of running away.

“Y’know something, Asai? What you call selfishness, other people call effort.”

That didn’t matter. “Call it whatever you want.” It didn’t change his actions. “Besides, Ukawa, if I’m not righteous, then that just makes me your enemy, right?”

Ukawa Sasne gazed at him, her face unreadable. Then, the corners of her mouth lifted. “I’m not in the business of kicking someone who’s already so clearly down.” Her voice maintained its typical calm. “I don’t hate you. I don’t even dislike you, really. But watching you makes me sad.”

Before he could even ask why, the champion of justice continued. “I’m not the one who can protect you or save you. You’ve already decided who’s allowed to do that, and no matter how long I wait trying to do that, you won’t let me.” With a quiet mutter, she added, “It’s like my justice just isn’t good enough.”

She stood from the sofa, looking down at Kei. “Where’s Haruki?”

“She’s headed here now.”

“Guess she’ll always be on your side, at least.”

Kei shook his head. “It’s different this time, actually.”

“Oh?”

“She laid out a condition for me.”

When Kei had been telling her everything over the phone, she responded with, I have my own request for you. If you listen, then I will cooperate.

Haruki Misora had said something like that. She never laid out conditions for her cooperation.

“Hm,” Ukawa Sasane chuckled. “She’s a kind girl.”

“That she is.”

By demanding compensation, she was trying to accept some of the responsibility. Evidently she was taking her own steps towards bearing some of Asai Kei’s burdens.

“She’s always been there to protect me.” A smile made its way to Asai Kei’s face despite his exhaustion. It just wouldn’t be right to say that kind of line with any other expression.

“Get yourself some chocolate when it’s all over. A tired boy needs his chocolate.” Ukawa Sasane began walking away with loud, echoing footsteps.

Her small box of Kit-Kats was left on the sofa.

Kei picked it up, slipping it into his pocket. It brought back memories of his first meeting with Ukawa Sasane, when a girl came up to him offering a Kit-Kat.

✽

Haruki Misora arrived at the hospital around 6 PM. It was directly next to a small park, located in the vicinity of Nanasaka Junior High.

Darkness had already fallen, and Haruki was walking quickly. She went to the back entrance as Kei had told her to, pushing the door open. The doorknob was unexpectedly cold.

She found a guard station near the entrance, but it simply had a sign stating, “On patrol”. The green exit light was the hallway’s only illumination. Haruki walked forward, her footsteps loudly echoing.

She found a white iron door at the end of the hallway with light leaking through its gaps. She pushed open the heavy door. The lobby beyond was lit so brightly by fluorescent lights that she had to squint her eyes to adjust.

A number of sofas were lined up in the lobby, their backs facing her. She saw Kei sitting in the closest one to her. She closed the iron door with both hands, dashing towards Kei.

Kei turned around, probably having heard either the door or her footsteps. “Heya, Haruki,” he greeted with a smile.

Haruki smiled back. “Good evening, Kei.” She sat down next to him.

Kei had his elbows on his knees, resting his chin in his hands. “Sakagami-san will be here before long.”

“I apologize for my selfishness.”

“Don’t say that…”

Haruki had said something on the phone earlier.

I have my own request for you. If you listen, then I will cooperate.

Of course, she would have cooperated with Kei even if he refused her request. But she also knew he would never have refused.

I want to remember everything I have experienced since first meeting you.

She wanted to remember all the time she had ever spent with Kei, including the time she had lost to resets. She wanted every word he said and every expression he made at her to be available to her.

If Sakagami copied Kei’s ability over to her, then even such an impossible feat would become possible.

“But do you really have to remember, no matter what?” Kei asked.

He knew how much memories could hurt someone, and with his ability to remember everything, he knew what a blessing it was to be able to forget.

“Yes. I must.”

“Why?”

“So that I can understand you.”

Looking back, Haruki could see that all of the last two years had been building towards that goal.

I trust Asai Kei. Of that, she was sure. His value was the one thing she could be sure of.

But I don’t know him.

In fact, she hardly knew him at all. There was so little about him that she could understand.

“I want to remember everything about you, and if that shows me your flaws, then I want to understand them.”

Before she had to go see Souma Sumire, she wanted to think about Asai Kei one more time.

His mouth curled in embarrassment. “If it’s flaws you’re looking for, I have plenty.”

“And yet I do not know about them.”

“That’s strange, considering how long we’ve been together.”

“I…” Haruki tucked her chin down, her eyes lowering. “I do not think that I truly tried to understand you at all before today.”

She had claimed to want to know him, yet never took a single step to do so. She let herself be satisfied with the things he normally said and the faces he normally showed her.

Because after all, to know was to change what she saw. And Haruki Misora had never once desired to change the way that she saw Asai Kei. Even the thought scared her.

Haruki Misora put all her strength into lifting her eyes, and it came slowly, as if she were pulling up a great weight. She gazed directly into his eyes. “I had hoped that you would never change.”

She had thought that Asai Kei could always remain the same. A single, unchanging truth, who could never be any different, and who would always be right. That thought gave her peace of mind.

“I was terrified that the way I saw Kei, the one whom I adored above all others, would change.”

But she could never trust him in the truest sense as long as she thought that.

She was trapped and confused for so long, and she had never realized it. Like the fear of a monster under her bed or in her closet, lurking in the darkness. She was no more than a small child, terrified of that which didn’t even exist.

But now, as she calmly thought it through, she realized how ridiculous she was.

She needed to open her eyes, observe him, and see what problems might come up. Would doing so make him lose value in her eyes? Not at all. It couldn’t. That was even less likely than a monster hiding in her closet.

Because I already trust him. That had always been true, and she had always kept it close to her, dear to her heart. I just let myself get confused.

But it was time to open her eyes. It was okay to look at him, straight at him, and see him.

Asai Kei had a look on his face that she couldn’t recall ever seeing before. He looked surprised, confused, even frightened. He was unsettled. A rare look for him.

“Is something wrong, Kei?” Haruki asked, tilting her head.

“I was just surprised,” he admitted, smiling bashfully. “That’s the second time you told me you have feelings for me.”

The fact that he could be surprised by something like that made for her first new discovery.

“When was the first time?” No matter how hard she thought, she couldn’t remember that happening, much to her own disappointment.

“You’ll remember that day before long.”

He somehow managed to answer her without answering her at all.

The two spent some time chatting aimlessly after that. Books they had been reading, movies that caught their interest, ways they liked to spend their days off.

It was like any other day, but she valued that time.

It took Sakagami another fifteen minutes to arrive. He pushed open the iron door, making his way into the lobby. He looked jumpy about something.

Kei exchanged some standard greetings, then turned towards Haruki. “Are you ready?”

Haruki Misora nodded. “Yes. Please do it.”

Sakagami stood behind them, touching Kei and Haruki’s backs. Sakagami’s ability allowed him to copy one person’s ability onto another. When Kei used his ability, Haruki would gain the same effect, allowing her to remember even time that had been reset away.

“Okay, here we go,” Kei said.

Memories flashed into her head.

She remembered.

She remembered everything about everything.

Haruki Misora closed her eyes, clutching her head in her hands. Memories continued to swell painfully inside her mind.

Asai Kei’s ability could only relay the absolute truth. His memory was not affected by slight assumptions, mistaken association, or unsure guesses at something happening in the corner of his vision. He remembered the past as it was, and nothing more.

Wow. His version of the past is so sterile. There was no fog or disruption, no lies or deception. It allowed Haruki Misora to carefully and individually examine each and every detail of her past.

She could remember everything in the last two years since she had met Asai Kei. All his words, actions, facial expressions, breathing patterns, even his body temperature at different times.

Which meant she could finally remember Asai Kei.

He was like a great collage of many different, even contradictory, parts. He was kind and cruel, smart and stupid, bold and sensitive, strong and weak.

But that in itself was nothing special. Everyone was like that. Everyone was a mix of contradictory parts. The parts were all the same, with the only difference being the balance between them.

But that was okay.

Because Asai Kei is special… to me.

Haruki Misora realized that truth once more.

He has the greatest balance of anyone I’ve ever known.

He was beautiful, and he was comforting. Everything he did, said, and thought was so cruelly beautiful.

She couldn’t stop herself from crying. She hadn’t even known what it meant to cry just a short while ago, but she realized she had been crying for a long time.

Her tears were like a representation of pure emotion. But they were also something else. Just like how three primary colors combined to make black, and three other primary colors combined to make white, when strong elements came together, the result was shockingly pure.

And then, Haruki Misora found it. That memory.

It was two years ago, on the roof of the southern middle school building. The first time she confessed her affections towards him.

I am quite certain that I like you.

She had spoken such tender-hearted words in complete ignorance.

She opened her eyes as the memory of that rooftop, and everything else relating to Asai Kei, returned to her. Through her tear-blurred eyes, she saw Asai Kei watching her with an anxious expression.

“How was it?”

Haruki smiled, ignoring the tears running down her cheeks. “I found a mistake that you made.”

If anything, it was Haruki Misora’s mistake. But it could also be accurate to call it a mistake that they made together.

“Two years ago, when you kissed me on the rooftop…”

When Haruki Misora confessed her affections.

When she mumbled, “I don’t know” following a kiss.

“The truth is… I was happy.” She just hadn’t known what that feeling was called.

That’s how ignorant I was back then. I couldn’t understand it.

She had no clue what to label the new emotion blooming throughout her whole being, and all she could do was mumble, “I don’t know.”

Asai Kei sighed. “Guess that means I was too cowardly to face it straight-on.”

“I never faced it, either.” It had taken her so long to find it. She had walked in circles, only now finally finding what she had been looking for.

Haruki Misora stood up. “I will go wash my face.” Crying was the right response, but she couldn’t cry forever. Besides, her vision was blurred, and there were times that called for a direct gaze. “Then, we will go and see Souma Sumire.”

Now that she had remembered all of Asai Kei, the fog had cleared.

The best thing I can be doing to make everyone around me happy is to go and see Souma Sumire.

✽

Haruki Misora left, leaving Asai Kei and Sakagami Yousuke alone in the lobby. Kei was still sitting on the sofa, and Sakagami was standing beside him.

“Asai-kun…” Sakagami’s hands were clenched into fists, and he had a worried expression. “You look… really tired.”

Kei shook his head. “I just need some sleep. I didn’t get nearly any last night.”

“I see.” Sakagami offered a helpless smile. “I’m tired, too. Very. I heard the most ridiculous story, then stood up to the Bureau, and now Souma-san collapsed. It’s almost hard to believe that anything I experienced since yesterday actually happened.”

It had happened, though. All of it.

“I’m sorry, Asai-kun,” Sakagami said.

Not understanding, Kei looked up at him, only to find the other boy staring at a corner of the floor.

“I can’t help thinking that maybe if everyone could be as strong as you, you wouldn’t have to run yourself ragged all the time. If everyone else could be a little more capable, then we wouldn’t have to push everything onto you.”

Kei shook his head. “This is all happening for my own selfish ends. I deserve the punishment. In fact, I should be the one apologizing to you. I dragged way too many people into this.”

Sakagami Yousuke’s eyes suddenly shot up, meeting Kei’s eyes with a reproachful gaze. “Asai-kun… to be honest, I…” He trembled pitifully, like a lonely, destitute child on a cold night. His voice was weak and broken. “I… I always… hated that about you. You just think you’re better than everyone else, don’t you? You think it’s more efficient or whatever for everyone to just do everything on their own, right?”

Sakagami looked so cowardly that Kei knew he shouldn’t lie. So he couldn’t confirm or deny the question. “I don’t like myself the way I am. I have a lot of problems. I’m nowhere near perfect.”

He was nowhere near the ideal he set for himself. There was always more, always further to go, always another step. He could always have done something different.

“But… you’re right. I usually figure it’s just more efficient to do it myself.”

Kei paused for a moment. Taking a deep breath, he continued, “The only exception was Souma Sumire. I totally believed that she and she alone was better than me. But now, I can see that wasn’t entirely accurate.”

Souma was strong, and she was capable. But he discovered that she, too, had her own weak points. In fact, her desire to just give up on everything might have made her the weakest of all of them.

“See… That’s what I hate so much.” Sakagami was grimacing, although he looked close to crying. “You’re talented, and you know it. You know how special you are, so you can forgive others for their weakness and mistakes. But you never make room for your own weaknesses. You’re so arrogant.”

Kei couldn’t really argue.

Some day, he planned to control all of Sakurada’s abilities. Just like a god, he would provide happiness and protection for everyone.

He knew that goal was out of reach. And in a way, it probably was arrogant even to aim for it.

“Look, I’ll admit that you’re amazing. You’re practically a magical wizard.” Sakagami’s head shot down once more. Despite standing, he was yet again looking down lower than Kei was. “But… even if I can’t do something as well as you, or not as efficiently, and even if I don’t have the courage to do it alone… doing what I can for Souma-san and for everyone’s happiness still counts in my book.”

Yeah… he’s right.

“So, like… I’m doing this because I want to. You can’t just say that I got dragged into it.”

His words were slapdash. They clearly hadn’t been thought through. If anyone was being arrogant, it was him.

Kei could feel a spark of appreciation inside himself towards that seemingly timid boy. There was something there beginning to show, a small, inconspicuous part of him that Kei could love. “I’ll be going to Souma after this,” he responded.

“Yeah.”

“But I want you to stay here, Sakagami-san.” Kei understood him, agreed with him, and was even starting to like the guy. But he still couldn’t stop himself from speaking arrogantly. “Haruki and I would be the best people for this job, so I need you to leave it to us.”

Kei was waiting for a disagreement. He wanted Sakagami to tear into him with arguments he couldn’t refute. He wouldn’t change his mind, but he still wanted to bleed, and to feel it.

Sakagami glared at Kei, tears in his eyes. “Right. Go take care of it.”

Kei hadn’t expected that.

“I really wanna beat the crap outta you right now. I wish I could just rush up to Souma-san’s side, but… I can’t go there. I can’t cross that line. I’m not a beast like you.” He gave a clearly forced smile. “Not everyone should become a beast. I’m at least proud to be a coward.”

Kei stared into the boy’s earnest eyes. For once, Sakagami didn’t look away.

Kei was actually the first to break eye contact. He glanced down, nodding. “I getcha. You’re right… you’re better off the way you are.”

Even a coward like him had something to bring to the table.

Sakagami looked straight at Kei, his smile turning somewhat hostile. “I lied.”

“Huh?”

“Thing is, if I went to see Souma-san right now… I just don’t know what I’d say to her.”

Seeing that it was probably an act to cover up his embarrassment, Kei smiled.

Sakagami Yousuke might have been weak and cowardly, but even he could do what was right in ways that Kei would normally never notice.