Chapter 9 – I Don’t Have Any Friends

[ Can I come in? ]

As I sat in my room that night, hugging my knees, a voice entered my head.

I was in such a haze that I didn’t even question how Kyuubey could speak to me after being ripped to shreds by Homura-chan earlier.

After everything that had happened, Kyouko-chan flew off somewhere with Sayaka-chan’s body. I, of course, couldn’t follow her, and somehow or another made my way back home. Mommy and Daddy worriedly launched questions at me that I couldn’t even attempt to answer. At some point, I had changed into my pajamas in my room, but I didn’t know how long it had been since then.

After a long enough time sitting there staring into space, the curtain swayed, revealing a white figure sporting two long, white ears.

There stood Kyuubey, those golden ear ornaments gleaming just as bright as the shining red eyes staring at me, with that white tail flicking back and forth.

“…So you’re alive,” I mumbled.

Kyuubey’s tail flicked back and forth as if waving at me.

After Kyuubey presumptuously jumped on my bed, I immediately asked, “So was Homura-chan telling the truth?”

“Nothing she said needs to be corrected,” Kyuubey responded in that ever-nonchalant voice.

An idea struck me. “Wait, so I heard Sayaka-chan’s voice… because of you?”

“…” Kyuubey remained silent. Its red eyes seemed to shine directly into my soul.

Suddenly, it all made sense. All of the bad things were Kyuubey’s fault.

No wonder Homura-chan had been trying to kill Kyuubey. No wonder she tried so hard to keep us away from its influence. Kyuubey, by the very nature of its existence, invited misfortune.

“…Why are you doing this?” I asked, trying to calm the raging sea that was my emotions. “Why are you creating these magical girls whose sole purpose is to become a witch?”

“I want to make something very clear,” Kyuubey stated, that adorable tail flicking back and forth. “We harbor no ill will towards humanity. We only do what we do because circumstances have forced our hand.”

“…What circumstances?”

“Are you familiar with the word entropy, Madoka?”

“…Entropy?”

“To give a layman’s example, the heat energy given off by a bonfire comes nowhere close to the energy needed to grow the wood, chop it into firewood, create the bonfire, and light it. Whenever energy changes form, a great deal of it is lost. The universe is constantly losing its total potential energy.”

Robotic streams of words poured out of Kyuubye’s mouth in direct contrast to the cute appearance it showed me. I realized for the first time just how alien the creature that stood before me was.

“In order to circumvent that loss, we have been seeking a type of energy that can transcend the laws of thermodynamics. Our greatest discovery lay in the power of magical girls.”

“What are you even–”

“Our civilization was able to create a device that converted the emotions of intelligent lifeforms into direct energy. Ironically, we lacked the necessary emotions to power it. So we began investigating all the alien lifeforms around the universe, eventually coming upon humanity.”

The lack of emotion that Kyuubey claimed certainly came across in the dispassionate stream of words. Everything else that he had said and done up to that point suddenly began to fall into place in my mind.

“When accounting for total human population and reproductive capacity, the emotional energy exerted by an individual human far exceeds the energy required to create, raise and sustain it. Your souls are energy sources that can overcome the nature of entropy. To that end, we found that the most efficient energy production is created by the turbulent oscillation between hope and despair experienced by young girls in their early pubescence. Those souls, when properly transitioned into soul gems, generate an extraordinary amount of energy when they inevitably burn out and transform into grief seeds. I am one of the task force designated to collect that energy when it is dispersed. We are the Incubators.”

Kyuubey… The Incubator spoke proudly, like a scientist making the discovery of a lifetime.

“But be assured that everything we do is to extend the lifespan of the entire universe.”

“…So we…” My voice cracked as it squeezed out of my mouth. “We’re just expendable? We’re supposed to happily die for your cause?”

Kyuubey didn’t seem to expect my answer. “Come now, Madoka. Do you even understand just how many civilizations there are in the universe, and how much energy they expend every second of every day? Humanity will eventually grow beyond this planet, joining the ranks of higher civilizations like ours. You wouldn’t want their grand discovery to be a universe depleted of all energy and resources, would you? In the long run, this is a mutually beneficial tradeoff for all involved.”

“…Don’t be ridiculous!” All of the emotions that I had been bottling up suddenly forced their way out. “Mami-san died, and Sayaka-chan suffered, but that’s supposed to be fair because it added to some vague level of resources? That doesn’t even begin to make up for it. That’s horrible!”

“But we only made contracts with those that gave their express consent. That qualifier alone should account for any ethical grievance that yo–”

“But you lied to all of them!”

Kyuubey shrugged in response to my outburst. “We have never understood this concept of deception. Perhaps they made a lapse in judgement due to an incomplete perspective, but for some reason you humans assume that your regret implies malicious intent on our part.”

“…How am I supposed to understand anything you’re saying? You don’t make any sense!”

“I should think it’s your human value system that makes no sense. Your population numbers in the billions, and more humans are born by the second, and yet you make such a fuss over the life and death of a single individual.”

“If that’s what you actually think, then you really are our enemy!” I cried, desperately holding back my tears.

Kyuubey’s tail curled into an even smaller ball. “My intention in coming here today was to offer an explanation. I had hoped to get you to understand what wonderful things your sacrifice could bring about… but that does not seem possible at present.” Kyuubey walked back towards the window as I defiantly stared at the wall. “But Madoka,” Kyuubey called, “Someday you will become the most wonderful of magical girls, and then… the most evil of witches.”

The prophetic words burrowed deep into my heart.

“When that happens, we will obtain an unprecedented amount of energy. So whenever you’re ready to die for the sake of the entire universe… You know how to find me.”

[ I’ll be waiting. ]

With those psychic words echoing through my mind, Kyuubey vanished.

◯

“You look very out of sorts this morning, Madoka-san. Are you going to be alright?”

I was trudging to school the next morning, every step feeling heavier than the last, as Hitomi-chan called out to me.

“…Yeah, I just… didn’t sleep well.” That was all I could manage to say, and even then I wasn’t sure if I had pulled off a smile.

“Getting poor sleep is very unlike you,” Hitomi-chan replied, looking very happy despite her comment. Hitomi-chan always looked beautiful, but she was practically shining like the sun. “Not to change the subject, but I wonder if Sayaka-san will be absent today as well.”

“…”

“Perhaps I ought to visit and check up on her… But then again, perhaps not. It would be rather difficult to talk to Sayaka-san under the current circumstances.”

“Hitomi-chan, um…”

Just as I was trying to figure out how to tell her that Sayaka-chan wouldn’t be coming to school for a while, a familiar voice echoed in my head.

[ You’re really just gonna go to school like nothing happened yesterday? ]

Startled, I glanced up… finding Sakura Kyouko-chan far above us on the rooftop of a nearby building.

“…Madoka-san?”

Whatever else Hitomi-chan had been trying to tell me was overridden by the voice in my head.

[ I got something to say to you. Got a minute? ]

After giving it some thought–

“Sorry, Hitomi-chan. I won’t be coming to school today, either,” I said, running off.

“…Huh? Wait, Madoka-san, what do–”

I left Hitomi-chan and her shocked questions behind, running straight for the building where I had seen Kyouko-chan.

There was something about Kyouko-chan’s tone that planted the tiniest seed of hope inside me. My heart thumped in anticipation.

◯

“Wanna try saving Miki Sayaka?”

I finally found Kyouko-chan in a dark alleyway behind a shopping complex. I stooped down, out of breath, as Kyouko descended from the rooftop biting into a donut.

“Can we save her?”

“Even if we can’t, do you just wanna leave things like this?” Kyouko-chan led with her typical mischievous smile, but then she waved a hand in front of her face. “Nah… that wasn’t how I meant to put that. I know this sounds crazy, but… I don’t want to give up until I know for sure that she’s gone for good.”

Kyouko-chan’s expression was serious, lacking that harshness that had always been present before. She just looked like a normal girl my age. My breath caught in my throat, and my heart started pounding.

Can we… really save Sayaka-chan? Was it really, truly possible?

“She… Miki Sayaka may have turned into a witch, but… for all we know, she’ll still remember her friend’s voice. Maybe if we talked to her, she could remember being human. And if anyone could make that happen… it’d be you.”

Her gaze towards me was unwavering.

I clasped my hands in front of my chest. “Will that… really work?” I asked.

“Dunno.” Kyouko-chan shot back instantly, clicking her tongue. “But that thing–” she said, practically spitting out the last word, “Kyuubey told me a few things yesterday when I interrogated him. I asked him if Sayaka’s soul gem was truly unrecoverable.”

“…and?”

“Bastard just said, ‘Not to our knowledge’ like we were just talkin’ ‘bout the weather. But what came after’s what really matters. Said, ‘Magical girls are beings that defy logic by their very nature. I wouldn’t be surprised by any kind of feat that I see you accomplish.’”

“So that means…”

“Yup, means we ain’t lost yet.”

My heart pounded with excitement as an image of Sayaka-chan’s smiling face came to mind. The thought of her bright, sparkling smile made my heart feel more complete than it had in a long, long time.

“I’ll do it… I’ll do whatever it takes!”

Kyouko-chan grinned. “Who knows, maybe we cut that witch in half and it drops Sayaka’s soul gem instead of a grief seed. Like those stories where love and courage win the day.”

I couldn’t help but smile and agree.

Kyouko-chan’s gaze suddenly turned distant. “You know, I… I became a magical girl because there was something I wanted more than anything else. I did my best to forget, but Sayaka made me remember.” She suddenly looked sheepish.

“…Why?” I just had to ask. “Why are you doing all of this? You helped search for Sayaka-chan last night, and now you’re trying to save Sayaka-chan, involving someone like me…”

Kyouko-chan didn’t answer, simply walking away while eating more of her donut. All I could do was follow behind.

“Because Sayaka and I both made the same mistake.”

The words she had waited so long to say struck like a spear in my heart. “Kyouko-chan… why did you become a magical girl?”

Kyouko-chan froze, turning towards me with the sharp and dangerous expression that I had come to associate with her.

But it wasn’t the scary glare that I had seen so many times before. There was a sadness that lay deep inside it.

“I…” Kyouko-chan didn’t finish, turning away.

But as she walked away… Something happened in my mind.

A story seared itself into my brain, like a roaring wave of fire scorching the earth.

[ I figured this’d be faster than saying it all out loud. ]

Kyouko-chan’s mental voice echoed inside a church where sunlight streamed through stained glass windows.

The building was old and decrepit. Cobwebs littered the altar, and the surroundings were covered in a layer of soot, but in it all stood a man with a gentle expression wearing priestly garments, a kind-looking woman and two young girls standing beside him.

The two girls looked to be sisters. They lit several candles held inside candlesticks, smiling at each other. The smile of the older girl was familiar.

It was Kyouko-chan… from who knew how long ago.

Everything suddenly clicked. I was inside Kyouko-chan’s memories.

[ My house is beside the church in the next town over. My old man was the priest. ]

I watched the two sisters sweep and clean the church, laughing and chattering away. The woman that must have been their mother watched them with a smile, and the priest, their father, prayed to the cross.

It was a very happy moment. A very kind memory.

[ Yeah… My dad was a real kind and honest guy, maybe too much for his own good. He would actually cry reading the newspaper every morning, wondering why the world wasn’t getting any better. He would always say that a new era required a new faith for salvation. ]

Her words echoed as I watched the form of a man earnestly and diligently sharing the words of the Bible with fellow believers.

[ But, well… ]

Her sentence faded out as the man’s careful teaching gradually turned more passionate. Like sand from an hourglass, the number of participants dwindled. Before long, nobody was left, and Kyouko-chan’s father stood sadly in an empty church.

[ Yeah… So eventually, my old man started preaching things outside of the main doctrine. He was excommunicated by the mainstream faith, and of course, everyone stopped coming to his church. Guess that’s how it goes. From the outside, he must have seemed like some kind of cult leader. They didn’t even care how right he was, or how obvious the things he was sharing were, they made him into an outcast. ]

Kyouko-chan’s father stood bewildered in an empty church.

But even then, he didn’t give up. Kyouko-chan’s mother would go to work, and he would take Kyouko-chan and her sister out to the train station, or even in front of the houses of his previous followers. There, he would preach publicly. Not that anyone would listen. At best, they would mock him, sometimes even pushing him to the ground, leaving Kyouko-chan and her sister rushing over to his aid.

The room of the church where Kyouko-chan and her family lived slowly darkened.

Thin, watery soup sat in a small pot on a plain wooden desk. It was all they had for the four of them. The parents passed the quickly dwindling soup towards the sisters, and Kyouko-chan in turn would offer more towards her younger sister. Her sister happily ate, but Kyouko-chan’s lips were pressed into a thin line. She clenched her fists, glaring into the distance.

[ I couldn’t stand it, ] Kyouko-chan shared with me as I watched. [ He wasn’t saying anything wrong. If anyone would just listen for five minutes, they would know that he was speaking the truth… But they just wouldn’t listen. It was so frustrating. I hated them for refusing to try and understand him. ]

Even after their mother fell ill, Kyouko-chan’s father kept going out every day. The footsteps of the sisters behind him became noticeably unsteady. Her father continued to go to the houses of his old followers, wearing his filthy priest garments and clutching his Bible.

“Nee-cha… I’m so… hungry….”

That was all Kyouko-chan’s sister could manage to say any more. Her once plump cheeks were hollow and gaunt, and her lips were cracked and parched.

Kyouko-chan couldn’t ignore it any longer, and shouted something at her father. But her father didn’t respond, simply walking to the next house.

Tears welled up in Kyouko-chan’s eyes as she glared at her father’s back. She pointedly looked away, her gaze happening upon a fruit stand. Colorful, juicy fruits adorned every shelf.

Kyouko-chan stared longingly at a single, ripe, bright red apple. Then, after gently placing a hand on her sister’s hair, she ran off. She snatched an apple, preparing to dash away back towards her sister.

But the fat fruit vendor immediately got in her way. He slapped her cheek, not saying a word. The apple rolled away as Kyouko-chan hit the ground hard. She desperately grabbed the apple back, but that only made the fruit vendor madder as he picked her up and hit her again. Kyouko-chan desperately maintained her grip in the apple, clenching her teeth so hard it hurt in her determination to not let it go.

The vendor took to holding Kyouko-chan by the hair, punching her in the face over and over, but despite the tears running from Kyouko-chan’s eyes, she stubbornly held on.

It was as if it were happening right in front of my eyes. I stood there trembling. There was a part of me that understood the truth behind Kyouko-chan’s tears, and it wasn’t about being hit.

Kyouko-chan was crying because of how pathetic she was for not being able to buy her sister a single apple.

She was crying from sadness and frustration that nobody wanted to listen to her father.

By that point, a decent crowd of rubberneckers had formed. Kyouko-chan watched them all through her warped vision as the hot tears ran down her swollen cheeks, screaming at them from her soul.

She glared into the distance, as if she had learned to hate the entire world that had nobody on her side. As if she hated every single person who wouldn’t help her.

But then a long, fluttering, white tail poked up into the center of her unfocused gaze.

“…Sakura Kyouko.” A familiar, cute voice called her name. “I can grant your wish, if you would but make a contract with me.”

It was Kyuubey, watching her with those shining, red eyes.

No… No, don’t… I was watching a memory from a time long past, but my heart still screamed at her, Don’t listen to Kyuubey, Kyouko-chan!

But she couldn’t hear me.

Kyouko-chan, brought to the very brink of despair, unhesitatingly reached out her hand.

Her voice trembling, she made a wish.

“I wish… that everyone would understand my father… and listen to him.”

Instantly, her surroundings were blanketed in a dazzling glow, and everything changed.

The small church was packed full of worshippers. Kyouko-chan’s father wore a brand-new robe, speaking to the crowd, his face radiant. Her mother had recovered from being sick, and stood by smiling in clean clothes. Her little sister happily wore her new dress, playing around with a bright smile.

Every day, her father’s influence spread, even to the point of appearing on television.

Her father’s teaching seemed to have become some kind of worldwide foundational ethic. Everyone was asking for and following his advice. The church was well-maintained by the hands of his followers, and a steady stream of charitable giving meant the family no longer had to worry about money.

Then my eyes turned upwards towards the moon, where I saw a girl standing atop the church roof, looking down at the family with a bright gaze.

It was Kyouko-chan, wearing a deep red costume and sporting a long spear.

“It’s better this way, Dad, Mom, Momo.”

With that whisper, she leapt off into the night, Kyuubey right behind her.

In the dark of night, fierce battles took place against countless witches. Many of them were too much for the amateur Kyouko-chan, and she was wounded in all of them. But even so, she fought with a bright, exuberant strength.

Dad and I are both making the world a better place. It’s just that he’s doing it front and center, and I’m doing it backstage. But together, we can change this corrupted world.

Her eyes shining with determination, Kyouko-chan defeated witch after witch after witch. She learned about purifying her soul gem using their grief seeds, and over time became quite skilled with her spear.

But then… it happened.

She had just destroyed a witch’s barrier, laying claim to another grief seed.

“…Kyouko?” Her father had seen her, and called out to her. “…What are you… wearing? Is tha–”

“Um! I, this is just…”

“It can’t be, have you… Have you been enchanted by a witch?”

“…Huh?”

“No, it… Is this why I have so many followers? Is it… only because of you?”

“No, it’s… it’s not! It’s because… you say what’s right, and…”

Kyouko-chan frantically rambled, trying to find some way to placate her father, but he wasn’t even looking at her any more.

No, wait… He was looking at her, just… not the way that a father would look at his daughter. In fact, he was watching Kyouko-chan like she was no different from the witches she risked her life to defeat.

The world in Kyouko-chan’s memories rapidly darkened.

Her father permanently shut the church doors, never giving another sermon. He spent all day alone in the dark church, drinking alcohol and mumbling to himself.

“… Haha… so much for the words of God… I was just… being fooled by a demon… I even turned my own daughter into a witch… What could I possibly say to anyone now…”

No matter what Kyouko-chan or anyone else said to him, he never responded. Eventually, he stopped talking altogether.

Then there was that night.

A crescent moon cast its pale light over the city. Kyouko-chan returned from her usual witch hunting, creaking open the church doors.

The moonlight gave her a glimpse of the sight ahead.

“D… Dad?”

The rest of the room was dark beyond the door. But what she could see was a man’s feet, clothed in leather shoes, hanging up in the air.

“What… How did…”

And beneath those dangling feet…

“M… Momo?! Mom?!”

A woman and a small child were piled atop one another beside a blood-stained knife. Their necks were slit, and a dark-red liquid oozed towards Kyouko-chan’s feet.

“…Why… This wasn’t supposed to happen… It wasn’t supposed to be like this…”

Kyouko-chan’s trembling voice echoed into the empty air, and the scene turned pitch-black.

I found myself in a place of utter darkness, where I couldn’t get my bearings. It seemed like a perfect reflection of Kyouko-chan’s heart.

[ In the end… my wish destroyed my family. ]

As the mournful, quiet voice echoed, I realized that I was actually back in the familiar townscape of Mitakihara at dusk. But the familiar scenery did nothing to ease my aching heart.

An unbearably bitter feeling was threatening to spill over from inside of me… and that was how Kyouko-chan felt every moment of every day.

“I made a selfish wish without considering the reality of everyone’s circumstances, and as a result, everyone ended up unhappy.” Kyouko-chan’s voice walked ahead of me, bouncing off the orange-tinted landscape and absorbing into the environment. “So I made a pact with myself. I would never use my magic for other people again. My power would only be for myself.”

That’s so wrong. Unless I had seen what I just saw, I would’ve spat that out loud without another thought.

But the world was bigger than my perfect ideals. And after what I had just seen, I didn’t feel capable of thoughts or words any more.

“Miracles have a price. When you wish for hope, then an equal amount of despair is created to balance that out. That’s just how the world works. A zero-sum game.”

When Kyouko-chan said that, I remembered.

“I finally understand… what you meant.”

“Hope and despair really is a zero-sum game.”

The words Sayaka-chan had mumbled seconds before turning into a witch.

“…And you told that to Sayaka-chan, too?”

Kyouko-chan quietly nodded. “She kept fighting for other people, and I wanted her to stop. I told her that since she was already a magical girl, she may as well get what she could out of it. Use her life for her own benefit.”

So all the fighting, all the bluster, all the taunts from Kyouko-chan since the very start, was to keep Sayaka-chan from eventually resenting the very people that she’d become a magical girl to protect. No doubt looking at Sayaka-chan was as painful as looking at her past self. She was concerned for a future where everything would fall apart.

And I just sat there wondering why they couldn’t get along. I even resented Kyouko-chan for what she was doing.

“But then,” Kyouko-chan continued, her face turning sentimental, “She fought back. ‘If you really only care about yourself, then why are you worrying about me?’”

“…What?”

“‘I don’t regret making a wish for someone else. I’m gonna fight my way. And if that’s a problem for you, then you can just try to come kill me again. But I’m not gonna lose, and I’m sure not gonna resent anyone for it.’”

It was exactly the kind of thing Sayaka-chan would say. My heart ached.

“She really had me there. She just obliterated me. She was so much stronger than I could ever be. She was who I should’ve been, but couldn’t. And I… I know that’s still true. So I don’t want her to lose to some witch. I don’t want her to be the one that can lose to the darkness inside herself.”

I watched Kyouko-chan share her memories with me, her voice dripping with bitter regret.

I realized that for the very first time, I was meeting the real Sakura Kyouko.

Kyouko-chan was acting in her own clumsy, unsure way, doing everything she could to prevent someone else from having the same painful experiences she had. To prevent someone else from becoming like her.

It made me think of what my mother had told me to do before.

“If she’s so concerned about doing what’s right, then you need to do something wrong for her.”

“Would you rather give up on her, or risk being misunderstood?”

That was what Kyouko-chan was doing. She was doing something wrong for Sayaka-chan’s sake. And she refused to give up on Sayaka-chan, even if it meant being misunderstood.

“Well… I guess when you get down to brass tacks, I’m only doing this for myself,” Kyouko-chan admitted, smiling shyly. “I just want the girl who could beat me to be strong. So… I’m only going to take responsibility for myself. I won’t force you into this, and I’m not going to pretend that anything about it will be safe. I can’t promise I’ll be there for you if things go wrong. So… are you coming?”

I nodded immediately. “I’ll help you… or at least, I want to help.” I put out my hand. “I’m Kaname Madoka.”

“Huh?”

“We never really had the chance to introduce ourselves.”

Kyouko-chan stared in shock before scratching her head. “Man, you’re really gonna drive me up the wall…”

She put out her own hand, as if to hide her embarrassment.

But rather than a handshake, she was offering me an umaibo stick. It was some kind of corn potage flavor that I had never seen in stores before.

I felt warmth in my heart again for the first time in a very long time.

There was both the very slight hope that Sayaka-chan might be saved, and the presence of Sakura Kyouko, my new friend.

Friendship was a vague, ambiguous entity that I had never felt I could understand or define. But I’d come to understand something new:

A friend was anybody that I loved.

Maybe it was one-sided for all I knew, but I cherished Kyouko-chan deeply, and wanted to be there for her. And if it came with even the slightest possibility of saving Sayaka-chan, then I knew I could do anything for either of my friends.

Before, each step had been an almost insurmountable task, but now my feet felt light.

Of course, the dark night coming over the town was scary. And the reality of going back into a witch’s domain, even for the purpose of saving Sayaka-chan, made me anxious.

But there was a new courage rising from deep within me that was entirely unlike anything I’d felt in the past few days.

Kyouko-chan held her soul gem out in one hand to track Sayaka-chan’s location, using the other to eat the dango that she’d bought along the way.

“Sorry ‘bout the snack break,” Kyouko-chan said as she held out her soul gem in different directions. “I get antsy when I’m not eating.”

That was what she said, but… I had a feeling that her impulsive eating went a lot deeper.

I tried to change the topic for her sake. “Maybe Homura-chan would help if we asked?”

Kyouko-chan shook her head, quickly cutting me down. “Nope, that ain’t her style.”

“But aren’t you friends?”

“Hardly. She… She tried to kill Sayaka.”

“…What?”

“I guess it was probably because she couldn’t see any way of stopping Sayaka from becoming a witch. Still though, I can’t roll with someone that cold-blooded.”

Homura-chan did that? …Really?

At first, it was hard to believe, but then I thought about those cold, clear eyes that showed Homura-chan was willing to sacrifice anything to achieve her goals. Even just remembering them made me scared.

…But I pushed myself really hard to think past them.

I thought about the night where I saw her sob like a little kid in the park.

“I’m glad that I could save at least one person.”

There were these moments where she had shown me such unprecedented kindness.

So which one was the real Homura-chan?

“Kyouko-chan, you…” The question left my mouth before I could stop it. “You spent some time with Homura-chan, so… If you know, then could you tell me what Homura-chan is really fighting for?”

Kyouko-chan fell silent, staring at the moon. She hesitated for a while, as if taking a sudden interest in the crescent moon. When she finally did speak, it was very slowly.

“A few days from now… Walpurgisnacht will arrive.”

“This is like the worst enemy any magical girl could imagine facing, like a super-mega-giga witch. I doubt either of us could take it down alone.”

A magical girl’s… worst enemy?

“So we kinda made a partnership, or… it’s a more functional relationship than anything else, really.”

Kyouko-chan started walking again, and I just stared at her back. I couldn’t move.

An old memory that had been burying itself away began to resurface.

A dark red sky.

A city reduced to rubble.

A horrifyingly monstrous being floating in the sky.

The nightmare I had the night before Homura-chan transferred to our school. The dream where Homura-chan tried taking the monster on alone, only to be completely walloped without the slightest effort from the… thing.

Could it have been that Walpurgisnacht that Kyouko-chan was talking about?

“We’re here.”

The tension in Kyouko-chan’s voice quickly snapped me out of my reverie, and I rushed over to her.

We were in what appeared to be an abandoned construction site. Nobody was around, and it didn’t look like anybody else was coming even though we were well into the morning. I really didn’t like it there. It was a place of utter desolation.

The soul gem in Kyouko-chan’s hand blinked in and out in front of the entrance, almost like it was crying in its own way.

“A-Are we sure that’s really Sayaka-chan? Could it be just some other witch?” I asked, hugging myself to try and stop the shaking.

“It’s the same magical pattern as yesterday. Definitely her.” Kyouko-chan began walking ahead, making quick work of her second skewer of dango. She snapped the chain at the entrance like it was nothing, and I trailed behind. She headed towards a specific area in the back of some scaffolding. I didn’t even have magical senses, and that place was still giving me the creeps.

Once there, Kyouko-chan held out her soul gem, and after being wrapped in bright light, was wearing her crimson magical girl outfit. She spun her spear in her hand once, grinning. “Okay, I’m gonna ask you again. Are you really prepared for this?”

“I’m more or less used to this kind of thing now,” I said, nodding. But then I hastily added, “I’ve only ever followed behind, so I won’t be of much use, but… Please take me with you.”

Kyouko-chan chuckled. “You’re a strange one.”

She tossed her now bare dango skewer away while exposing the entrance to the witch’s domain.

◯

The world inside was walled in towering, old bricks. Several identical posters were pasted across a reddish-brown brick wall. It took me a moment to realize that every single one of them advertised a conductor and an orchestra, centered around flowery musical notation.

A shiver ran down my spine. They were posters for an upcoming classical concert, featuring a singular violinist playing center stage in the spotlight.

We were in Sayaka-chan’s domain, alright. The absolute depths of despair that had swallowed Sayaka-chan became undeniably real in that moment.

“Um, Kyouko-chan…”

“Hm?”

“If I just let someone else do all the fighting for me, and never helped out… that just makes me a coward, doesn’t it…”

“Why the heck would you become a magical girl?”

“…Why?” I stammered.

Kyouko-chan turned around, glaring at me. “What do you think this is? Not just anyone can become a magical girl.”

“But I–”

“You get to eat good food in complete comfort surrounded by a loving family every day. If you think you’re just gonna become a magical girl for the fun of it, I’ll beat your ass.”

“…”

“Listen, Madoka,” Kyouko-chan started again, her voice more instructional this time. “You should only be putting your life in danger when you have no other choice. Anyone else who tries to get involved is just playing around. It’s a joke.”

“Really?”

“Some day, you may end up having to fight for your life whether you like it or not. Then you can think about it.”

As her final, kind words echoed, I realized that was Kyouko-chan’s way of trying to reach me, even if it risked being misunderstood.

“Kyouko-chan, how–”

How are you so strong?

I was cut off before I could ask.

“She knows we’re here,” Kyouko-chan mumbled, her voice tight with tension.

We walked through a wooden door at the end of the brick hallway.

“Here she comes.”

“…R-Right.”

At the moment I nodded, our surroundings began flying towards us at an unprecedented speed. Doors zoomed towards us, opening and letting us in as the passageway seemed to warp inwards, speeding our journey along.

Then, the final door opened.

Bright red seats stretched outwards infinitely into the distant sky. Nobody sat in them… But a pallid orchestra performed in the center pit regardless.

A double bass, cymbals, violins, piano, drums. The melodies were beautiful… yet distorted with melancholy. A strange, floating giggle played out in time with the music.

“There she is.” Kyouko-chan said, pointing to the center.

There amidst all the other armored orchestra members was an armored knight brandishing a sword. Its lower body had been supplanted with a fish tail, as if it were some kind of mermaid. It swung the sword around as if it were a baton, conducting the orchestra.

“Th-That’s… Sayaka-chan?”

Despite my disbelief, the mermaid knight sported the Mitakihara Junior High ribbon from our school uniform. That was the only physical evidence, but… there was the way she swayed the baton back and forth. It was so sad and vacant… Like Sayaka-chan’s heart, forever chasing after Kamijou-kun’s violin.

“Alright. Just like we planned,” Kyouko-chan mumbled, readying her spear.

I snapped back into reality, nodding once and frantically speaking to Sayaka-chan. “…Sa-Sayaka-chan, it’s me… It’s Madoka! Can you… hear me? Can you understand my voice?”

The mermaid witch noticed us, alright. But only to raise its sword and send a massive wheel our direction.

I screamed, but Kyouko-chan yelled, “Don’t stop!” She stepped forward, clasping her hands together and creating a magical wall in front of me. “Keep calling her!”

I drew courage from Kyouko-chan’s voice, trying again. “…Sayaka-chan, please stop… Please remember us!”

I couldn’t stand to look any more, so I just trusted Kyouko-chan’s protection, believed that Sayaka-chan’s heart was still there somewhere, and kept speaking.

“You wouldn’t have wanted any of this, Sayaka-chan!”

A horrific screech of metal on metal rang out above me. I assumed it was the sound of the huge wheel being deflected by Kyouko-chan. It took everything I had not to give up once I heard that sound.

I thought of Sayaka-chan’s smile.

“You’re a superhero, right, Sayaka-chan? You wanted to be more like Mami-san, right?! Please… return to normal, Sayaka-chan! Please go back to the Sayaka-chan that I love so much!”

Suddenly… everything went quiet. The orchestra had stopped.

I looked up, seeing that the armored upper body had begun twisting in strange directions. It looked like it was suffering… or struggling.

“Sa-Sayaka… can you hear her?!” Kyouko-chan shouted.

I immediately took the opportunity to keep going. “Sayaka-chan… Sayaka-chan, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I always made you apologize first. I’m your friend, but I’m sorry for being such a useless friend. I’m sorry for being a pathetic crybaby. But I’m going to be your friend forever. No matter what happens, I don’t want to leave you alone. So please… wake up. Please go back to the cheerful and happy Sayaka-chan!”

It felt like Sayaka-chan, in the form of the mermaid witch, was reacting to something.

“Sayaka-chan?” I called out instinctively.

Something whizzed past me, ruffling my hair. It took a moment to realize that it was the sword held by the mermaid witch, who had twisted her arm as far as possible to reach me.

The only reason I was alive was because Kyouko-chan had blocked it at the very last moment with her spear.

“Sa-… Sayaka… chan…”

“Can’t be stubborn forever, Sayaka!” Kyouko-chan shouted, pushing the sword back as hard as she could. She managed to push back the mermaid witch, but I could still see the red liquid seeping down from her shoulder. It quickly spread across her uniform, turning it black, and some started falling on the ground.

“K-… Kyouko-chan?”

The mermaid witch seemed to be upset by getting pushed back by Kyouko-chan. She raised her arms, summoning far more wheels than before, throwing all of them at us at once.

A ferocious anger radiated from the armored mermaid, enough to make my legs shake. I couldn’t fool myself into thinking it reminded me of Sayaka-chan any more. She had transformed into a great mass of hatred that did nothing more than obliterate everything in her sight.

The great storm of wheels was too much for Kyouko-chan to handle on her own. Eventually, she was struck directly by one, crying out in pain.

“Kyouko-chan?!”

“It’s fine… this is nothing,” she whispered. Her voice was so quiet and laborious. “Madoka… Keep calling her. Keep… calling Sayaka.”

“Stop! Please, stop! Sayaka-chan, you have to recognize us!”

But Sayaka-chan’s wheels only rained down more ferociously. They hit Kyouko-chan over and over.

“Ahaha… You’re finally getting back at me, aren’tcha?” Kyouko-chan said, putting on a chilling smile. “Guess we did start off trying to kill each other, huh?”

It took me until that moment to realize what was happening. Kyouko-chan was protecting me. She couldn’t dodge or avoid any of the wheels, or they would hit me. So she took them, over and over and over. There she was, blood seeping from all over her body from countless wounds, just like Sayaka-chan was on that horrible night.

But she didn’t scream, and she didn’t attack.

“Hey, Sayaka.”

She just spoke gently to Sayaka-chan, blocking the wheels with either her spear or her body.

“You’re… mad, aren’t you? Not in a particularly forgiving mood for now, right?”

Step by step, she approached the raging, armored mermaid.

“I get it… I really do. So go on, throw your tantrum. I’ll be here for it… But, when you’re done, you gotta come back to us… ‘kay?”

“St-Stop…”

I couldn’t stop myself from saying something, but to who? Sayaka-chan, or Kyouko-chan, the one throwing herself into such danger despite her wounds? I didn’t know.

Eventually, after an endless rush of wheels and constantly holding her magic barrier to protect me… Kyouko-chan got swatted away.

“Ky-… Kyouko-chan!” I ran over to Kyouko-chan’s body. “No… Kyouko-chan… Sayaka-chan, please, stop!”

But the gigantic mermaid witch’s arm reached out for me in the blink of an eye.

“Saya… ka… chan…”

I could hear parts grinding together as she squeezed me. The unrelenting force kept me from being able to breathe. I heard my own body starting to make cracking noises.

“Sayaka… chan, please…”

Go back… to normal.

But I couldn’t even finish my sentence.

“SAYAKAAA!!”

I heard Kyouko-chan’s scream from some indiscernible place.

Suddenly, I was lying on the ground.

I gasped for breath, flinging my head up, and there I saw Sayaka-chan, her arm severed from her body… and Kyouko-chan, covered in blue blood, screaming.

“You… You said that you believed in yourself! That your power could be used to make people happy!”

Kyouko-chan charged forward, spear in hand… and Sayaka-chan’s sword extended.

The spear pierced Sayaka-chan’s chest at the same time the sword punctured Kyouko-chan’s stomach.

Blood splattered everywhere… and I heard something break. Whatever it was, I knew it would never go back together. Something irreversible had begun in the strange world clouded by white mist.

“…You were the version of myself that I wanted to be.”

It was so painfully silent.

“…You were the only one who could just destroy everything I’d been living for like it was nothing.”

Her cries echoed.

“Please, God… At least once in my life… let me have just one dream come true…”

Her lamentation only echoed… until a dull thud sounded.

With a roar, the very floor beneath us gave way. I fell and fell into what seemed an endless, miry pit. I was surrounded by a fluffy feeling.

I figured maybe it’d be okay to just fall forever.

Whenever the darkness finally ended, I’d find Sayaka-chan there. And Mami-san. And however many other magical girls that became witches.

At least we wouldn’t be alone. We would all be together. We wouldn’t have to suffer any more.

The idea pulled at my mind like a gentle whisper.

I… I really was useless… up until the very last moment.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry, Sayaka-chan. Kyouko-chan.

But in the very moment my consciousness began to fade–

“I will not let you die under any circumstances.”

A clear, powerful voice spoke, and my body was embraced by gentle hands. I somehow managed to force my eyes open, finding a pale, beautiful face wearing a very serious expression.

“Ho… Homura-chan.”

I tried to say her name, but my voice just wasn’t coming out. My head throbbed terribly, and I couldn’t move my body.

Somewhere in my mind, just barely hanging on, I heard Homura-chan shout.

“Kyouko!”

“Yeah…” It was Kyouko-chan, her voice fading, coming from somewhere far, far away. “Take care of her… I was an idiot, and I dragged her into this…”

“…You–”

“Oh, quit it. Fighting with dead weight is just a waste of time, right? Just go. It’s the right thing to do.”

“…”

“You’re supposed to protect what’s most important all the way till the end… Heh, it’s funny. I was so sure that was what I had been doing all this time…”

Their conversation sounded like something I was listening to in a dream.

“…Get outta here. I’ll take care of that.”

With Kyouko-chan’s last words, my mind faded to white.

What I saw after…

Might have just been a dream.

A long, unending… dream. Maybe.

In my dream, I could see Kyouko-chan hugging Sayaka-chan.

Black mist poured endlessly from Sayaka-chan’s body.

And as if in response, Kyouko-chan’s soul gem glowed a deep red.

The two colors swirled and clung together, yet never mixed.

And yet, Kyouko-chan’s soul gem was so much brighter than ever before. It was as if it were about to burst with light.

“Don’t worry, Sayaka… I’m not gonna leave you behind…”

Kyouko-chan smiled gently, looking like an angel bathed in her bright light.

“Being alone really sucks… But it’s okay. I’m here with you. With you, Sayaka…”

For just a moment–

It looked like Sayaka-chan might have smiled, too.

In the next instant, the light flowing from Kyouko-chan’s soul gem spread out over everything.

The whole world, including me and all my hopes, were bathed in that pure white glow.

◯

Oh. I… died…

I did everything I possibly could to save Sayaka-chan, and utterly failed. I even dragged Kyouko-chan into my mess.

But even then, I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t help anyone.

An absolute nightmare unfolded before my very eyes, and all I could do was scream and cry.

It was all… so sad… but maybe, if I could be reborn…

I would try a little harder… to be a better version of myself.

My consciousness drifted back to myself as such thoughts ran through my head.

I was in a place surrounded by a milky white mist. Somehow, I wasn’t afraid. I was mostly sorry. Sorry that I had died without saying goodbye to Daddy and Mommy and Tatsuya. The thought made me sad.

The moment I registered my sadness, I wondered where Sayaka-chan and Kyouko-chan were. I was vaguely aware of the fact that they, too, had died, and yet I found myself all alone.

Everything above and below, as far as I could see, was all a pure white. It seemed to stretch out infinitely…

Then, I heard a voice.

Did Sakura Kyouko really have a chance of saving Miki Sayaka?

I recognized the cold, powerful tone of the questioner.

Of course not. Such a feat would be entirely impossible.

I recognized the cute, carefree, and somewhat unsettling voice that responded.

Then why didn’t you stop her?

I would have, if her sacrifice were entirely pointless. But her elimination carries a great significance.

The way they were talking made me start to remember unpleasant things. I tried to push them away, but they came rushing into my mind regardless.

A headless girl in a flamboyant yellow outfit.

A girl holding a sword, her blue outfit stained crimson.

A girl in red, holding herself up by a broken spear.

On this planet, you refer to women who are still growing up as ‘girls’, right? The carefree voice asked nonchalantly. In that case, it makes perfect sense to call those who are destined to become witches– a referent to magical women– magical girls. Wouldn’t you agree?

Magical… girls.

It felt like I only now could truly understand what those words entailed. All the hope, envy, and despair that intertwined itself into two simple words.

As it stands, you are the only magical girl left to try and confront Walpurgisnacht. And of course, you haven’t the slightest chance of achieving victory on your own. So, in order that you might protect this city–

“Madoka has no choice but to become a magical girl.”

When I heard those words…

I thought for the first time that I really did want to die.

I realized that the world I was in actually wasn’t white at all. It was darker than dark, an endless, bottomless void.

As my consciousness was swallowed by that black abyss, I came to a conclusion.

Even if I did come back to life, there wasn’t anything good waiting for me.

Sayaka-chan wasn’t there. Mami-san wasn’t there. Kyouko-chan wasn’t there.

And if my only choice left was to be forced into becoming a magical girl… then maybe I was better off staying.

Staying in that perfectly white world.

…Yeah, I might as well.

I could just… disappear… Because now, I…

I don’t… have any friends.