Chapter 6 – This Isn’t You

“Homura-chan…” I mumbled.

“You…” Sayaka-chan also stood there dumbfounded, her mouth hanging open.

“Hey, what’d you just do?!” Kyouko-chan seemed to realize she’d just been affected by another magical girl. She swiftly moved to lash her spear at Homura-chan.

But Homura-chan was already gone, reappearing behind Kyouko-chan.

Kyouko-chan responded by creating as much distance as she could, shouting, “So I guess you’re that irregularity I’ve been hearing about… You’ve sure got some weird tricks….”

Irregularity…

She had said that not too long before, but what did it mean? I had heard a boy on the baseball team use that word to talk about a baseball that flew off in unexpected directions. So did that mean Homura-chan wasn’t a normal magical girl, or something?

“Don’t get in our way!” Sayaka-chan cried, her injuries fully healed. She went for another slash at Kyouko-chan, but in an instant Homura-chan was grabbing her from behind, forcing her to a halt. Homura-chan brought her hand down sharply on Sayaka-chan’s neck, and she crumpled to the ground.

I ran over to her terrified, but Kyuubey whispered from my shoulder, “It’s okay, she’s just unconscious.”

“…Just who the heck are you? And whose side are you on?” Kyouko-chan asked. Caution flashed in her eyes, something I hadn’t seen before.

“I am on the side of calm and collected people, and the enemy of fools who start pointless fights,” Homura-chan responded calmly. “So which are you, Sakura Kyouko?”

“…How do you know my name?”

“…”

“Have we ever met before?”

“Who’s to say?”

Kyouko-chan took a step back at Homura-chan’s ice-cold tone. Then… she clicked her tongue and withdrew her spear. “Who knows what you’ve got up your sleeve… So I’ll step aside for today.”

“How wise.”

Before Homura-chan had even finished her response, Kyouko-chan leapt away into the alley, disappearing just as quickly as she had arrived.

It was finally over, and I collapsed to my knees, shaking. I looked up at Homura-chan. “You… saved us?”

But her gaze toward me was no less chilling. “How many warnings do I have to give you? Just how foolish do you have to be until you are satisfied?” She interrogated me ruthlessly. “I have cautioned you time and again not to get involved, have I not?”

“But, I just–”

“I have no end of methods for dealing with fools.”

“…” My knees started shaking again.

Homura-chan was really angry this time. Her gaze was usually powerful and cold as ice, but now it carried flames of anger as well.

But I just… didn’t know why. I couldn’t make sense of anything… The only thing I truly understood was the insurmountable fear that locked me in place.

Homura-chan kept her sub-zero gaze on me a few seconds longer, then turned her back on me, walking away as if to abandon me there.

Even when she was gone, I couldn’t bring myself to move.

No matter how much Homura-chan warned me, it seemed like everything I did went against her wishes. I had been doing my best to be considerate and make the right choices for everyone involved, but I always seemed to end up in the same position.

And as I sat there wallowing in self-pity, a terrible truth became clear to me.

Sayaka-chan and Homura-chan would never get along. I couldn’t do anything to bridge that gap. But with my singular hope snuffed out, I didn’t know what to do anymore, and I just sat there, my legs trembling.

“Madoka, you need to go take care of Sayaka.”

“…Oh.” At Kyuubey’s reminder, I rushed over to Sayaka-chan. I picked up her head, placing it in my lap. Before long, Sayaka-chan came to with a groan.

“Ah… ow… damn.”

“Sayaka-chan, are you okay?!”

“She just showed up again… That’s not fair, dammit…” Sayaka-chan cradled the back of her head.

“Sayaka,” Kyuubey called out, “Do you still have the grief seed from that witch you defeated the other day?”

“…Huh?”

“Your soul gem has become rather cloudy from that last battle.”

“Oh… you’re right.”

“Bring them close together.”

Sayaka-chan took out the grief seed she’d gotten from the witch she saved me from. The moment it touched her soul gem, they both shone brilliantly, and a mist-like substance transferred from the soul gem to the grief seed. When the light died down, the grief seed was an even deeper black, and Sayaka-chan’s soul gem had regained its normal, healthy shine.

“Good. That should hold you over for a while,” Kyuubey commented, snatching the grief seed.

“Woah, it’s really black now…”

“Dangerously so. If it absorbs any more impurities, it may hatch a new witch.”

“…What?!”

“But that’s no concern,” Kyuubey said, dexterously bouncing the grief seed a few times on its tail before tossing it into a pocket-like space that opened up on its back. The grief seed seemed to absorb into the torso pocket. “Now it’s safely contained,” Kyuubey happily finished with a burp.

“You… You ate it?”

“Just another one of my duties.” It was a shocker for me, but Kyuubey’s chest puffed out with apparent pride. “You’ll need to get yourself a new grief seed soon if you want to purify your soul gem again.”

“Which is what magical girls fight over?”

“Well, more or less,” Kyuubey replied nonchalantly. But none of that was really adding up for me.

“Is it really all that important to keep this clean?” Sayaka-chan asked.

Kyuubey’s face turned stern. “Sakura Kyuoko was powerful, wasn’t she?”

Sayaka-chan grimaced in response.

“Her soul gem is constantly kept in peak condition. By hoarding grief seeds, she can use as much magic as she wants, at whatever power level she desires. She understands that, and uses it to her advantage.”

“But she’s willing to sacrifice other people to get all her grief seeds…”

“Using more magic brings out more impurities in your soul gem. Unless you collect more grief seeds, you can look forward to losing to Kyouko every single time.”

But… defeating witches to gather grief seeds for the sake of defeating a magical girl was just… wrong. It was such backwards logic.

“Hm… wonder if you’re right…” Sayaka-chan grumpily admitted, scratching at her hair. “But Mami-san never hoarded a bunch of grief seeds or anything, and she could always put up a good fight… I hate to ask, but… is it just a difference in potential?”

“Most definitely.” Kyuubey’s answer was quick and bright.

“Man, that’s so unfair!” Sayaka-chan whined, falling to the ground and thrashing her legs.

“Nothing you can do about it. Not only does Kyouko have excellent potential, she’s a veteran fighter to boot.” Kyuubey said that part rather offhandedly before casting a very pointed look my way. “But that road goes both ways. There are individuals who could be stronger than Kyouko even with no experience, through the power of their latent potential alone.”

“Oh yeah? Like who?” Sayaka-chan raised her head from the ground.

“Like Kaname Madoka,” Kyuubey answered.

…What?

“…What?” Sayaka-chan looked just as surprised as me. “Madoka? Seriously?”

“Yup. If all you want is the brute force to counter Kyouko, why not ask Madoka?” Kyuubey sounded pretty happy about it, but I didn’t share that mirth.

I had heard Kyuubey mention something about my potential before, and I vaguely recalled Mami-san saying something about it, too.

Was it really true? If I made a contract, would everything just work out?

I was about to ask out loud when Sayaka-chan interrupted, “No, Madoka. This is my fight. I don’t want to throw you into it.” She glared at nothing in particular.

So once again, like always, I was just getting in the way.

I felt personally responsible for every scar running across Sayaka-chan’s body, biting my lip sadly.

◯

The night after, I quietly snuck out of my house and met up with Sayaka-chan and Kyuubey. We made our way to the same building where the familiar had set up a domain, but Sayaka-chan’s gem didn’t even flicker.

“No good. It’s been too long. There won’t be any more clues to lead us to last night’s familiar.”

I almost felt relieved, if not for the anxiety of knowing that we would just have to start searching all over again.

Traces of the previous night’s battle remained in the back alleys. The marks of Sayaka-chan’s sword as she slashed at the familiar were indistinguishable from the gashes left behind by the spearhead she was later dodging. I could feel my heart grow heavier with each second I took in the environmental scars.

“…Um, Sayaka-chan,” I started, speaking to Sayaka-chan as she waved her soul gem back and forth desperately. “If you keep on hunting witches, doesn’t that mean you’ll run into that girl from yesterday again?”

“Well, that’s only to be expected.” Resolve hardened Sayaka-chan’s expression. But I knew how dangerous that look could be.

“Well, if you’re gonna see her again anyway, maybe you should just meet up for a real conversation first… or else you’ll just get in another fight.”

“A fight?” Sayaka-chan commented with a sliver of a smile. “Did last night just look like a fight to you, Madoka?”

“…Huh?”

“That was nothing less than a genuine battle to the death. We started off easy because we were feeling each other out, but before long, we were both trying to end it permanently.”

“But that’s… even worse…”

“And you think we can talk it out? Don’t be stupid. We’re talking about someone who uses people as bait to get more grief seeds. Where exactly is our middle ground?”

But… I persisted. “You became a magical girl to defeat witches, right? She’s not a witch… she’s a magical girl just like you.”

“…”

“I’m sure there must be some way you can get along. You both want to defeat witches, even if you get there a different way, right? Her and… Homura-chan, too.”

I was doing my best to be genuine. After their battle the night before– Actually, it’d be more accurate to say that because of their battle the night before, I had spent all night thinking. I just couldn’t figure out any better way. Homura-chan, Sayaka-chan, and Kyouko-chan together could fight any kind of terrifying witch without fear. I just knew it.

“If Mami-san hadn’t been fighting with Homura-chan, then… She wouldn’t have had to die like that.”

But just as my pleas became the most earnest…

“Yeah, right!” Sayaka-chan yelled with unusual power, locking eyes with me. “You saw the same thing I did! How she waited for Mami-san to fall before finally coming to defeat the witch. She left Mami-san to die because she wanted her own precious grief seed!”

“But–”

That wasn’t true. Homura-chan had been bound up by Mami-san’s magic, so she couldn’t have come to help even if she wanted to.

“That transfer student is no different from that Kyouko brat! She only thinks about what’s good for herself. But I get it now. Mami-san was the only one who was special. Every other magical girl is just like them!”

“No… You’re wrong… Sayaka-chan.” I wanted to explain somehow, but I never could find the right words at such crucial moments.

“Am I, Madoka? The familiar I fought last night was just an annoyance, but it could still kill people. What if your mommy or daddy were the next target? How about Takkun? That sound like a fair trade? You still want to forgive the person who’d leave them to die?”

“…”

“I didn’t just gain this power to defeat witches. I got it so that I could protect the people I cherish. So if someone out there wants to act worse than a witch, they’re next on my list. I don’t care if they’re a magical girl.”

“Sa-Sayaka-chan…” I tried following after her as she left the alley.

“If you have a problem with that, then don’t follow me. You’re not gonna like what you see.”

Sayaka-chan ran off by herself.

I was already crying as she left me there alone. I glared down at Kyuubey, who was curled up underneath my feet. “You should have said something, Kyuubey.”

“Really?” Kyuubey twisted his head as if he had been faced with a difficult question. “All I could have told her was that she was being too reckless. Sayaka is simply incapable of defeating Akemi Homura or Sakura Kyouko in her current state. But… she won’t listen to me.”

I couldn’t help but agree. I had a feeling that nothing I said would ever reach Sayaka-chan again. And it went deeper than her being the girl who made the contract and me being the indecisive one.

What it really came down to was…

The horrible feeling that I simply could not be Sayaka-chan’s friend.

◯

Back in the spring of my fifth year of elementary school, I transferred to Mitakihara Elementary. I hadn’t made any close friends yet, and was still fairly unfamiliar with the town. The brand new, spacious house was really neat, but Tatsuya had just been born, and it felt like he had taken Mommy and Daddy away from me.

It was as if there was a constant dry wind blowing through the space where my heart should have been. I would suddenly feel alone in the world, and that loneliness drove me to my room, where I would cry by myself every single day.

But one day was different.

I was on my way to school, and I tripped on a bump in the road, completely falling over. I hadn’t correctly secured the clasp of my school backpack, so as I fell, everything in my backpack fell with me. Textbooks, notebooks, and my pencil case spilled all over the ground.

Several students who went to school with me were there, but they all just stared. Nobody bothered to come and help me.

I sat there, staring at the blood oozing from my scraped and muddy knee. Even more shocking was the realization that all my books had fallen into puddles created by the previous day’s rain. All my brand-new textbooks and notebooks, ruined. The bentou that Daddy had packed for me was soaked in muddy water.

I was trying so hard not to cry, but everything just got blurrier and blurrier. Suddenly–

“Are you okay?”

Another kid stuck out their hand towards me.

“Um…”

I couldn’t immediately tell if they were a boy or a girl. Their other hand was in their shorts pocket, and their short hair didn’t give anything away. They looked down at me with an unreadable expression.

I just sat there in shock, but the other kid pulled a handkerchief out of their pocket and began picking up and wiping off my books. I noticed they had a red backpack on instead of black, which finally told me she was a girl.

“Um… Thank you.”

“As long as you wipe them off, your books will be fine. Any stains will only be on the far edges. Your bentou’ll be fine, too. The cloth it’s wrapped with is dirty, but that’ll wash out, and everything inside will be perfectly edible.”

She smiled at me… and all the tears I’d been holding back began spilling out.

“Ah, um, don’t cry! It’s all gonna be okay!”

“…I-I’m sorry.”

“No, you don’t have to apologize!”

After the girl wiped everything off and safely secured it in my backpack, I went for a proper introduction.

“I’m… My name is Kaname Madoka.”

She smiled again. “I know. We’re in the same class, actually.”

“…Huh?”

“I’m Miki Sayaka. Nice to meetcha.”

I shook her outstretched hand.

That was how I first met Sayaka-chan.

After that, my circle of friends grew, which is to say that Sayaka-chan shared her friends with me. Be it the classroom or anywhere else, as long as I was with Sayaka-chan, I didn’t have to be lonely.

Sometimes, Sayaka-chan liked to do things like play dodgeball with the boys after school, and I certainly wasn’t athletically inclined, so I’d just watch. But even that was fun.

We shopped for chocolates together on Valentine’s Day, and then in our sixth year of elementary school Daddy taught us both how to make chocolate from scratch. We’d swap sleepovers at each other’s houses, huddling together in bed and talking about anything and everything until late in the night. I’d usually only be able to say one thing for every five topics Sayaka-chan brought up, but those nights always warmed my heart with joy. In fact, it was during one of those nights that I learned Sayaka-chan was in love with her childhood friend, Kamijou-kun.

Sayaka-chan grew to be someone on the same level as Mommy, Daddy, and Tatsuya in my heart.

But then I started noticing something. For all the times I would inconvenience Sayaka-chan, or she would help me in some way… I didn’t know if there was a single time where I did the same for her.

“Here Madoka, this is for you.”

“Let’s go play, Madoka!”

“Don’t bully Madoka!”

Sayaka-chan always watched out for me… and I wanted to be able to do more for her.

But I ran into a wall. I wasn’t smart enough to help her study, and it wasn’t like she needed my help with sports or making more friends.

If things kept going on the way they did, I couldn’t help but imagine that Sayaka-chan was destined to get sick of me, and the longer that thought had to sprout, the greater my anxiety grew. The more important Sayaka-chan became to me, the more anxious I became of that future.

But the more I tried to become Sayaka-chan’s equal, the more I felt like I was just spinning my wheels.

And then, earlier this year, our second year of middle school… it happened.

Kamijou-kun got in an accident. He survived, but with injuries so severe that he’d never play the violin again.

I’d never seen Sayaka-chan so shaken. She missed days of school at a time, and even when she did go, I never saw her smile. But even then, I just didn’t know what I could do for her. That was about the time when the thoughts of my own worthlessness started taking over.

It was almost a full month before Sayaka-chan got her former cheerfulness back. But not because of me. Kamijou-kun was working hard at rehab, and the general passage of time softened her outlook. Nothing had changed. I was just someone who created problems for Sayaka-chan to solve, and she was the one who had to encourage me.

We’d been lucky enough to be in the same homeroom class for years, but that wasn’t guaranteed to go on. We had talked about applying to the same high school, but that didn’t mean we’d both end up there, and it seemed all too likely that we’d just drift apart eventually.

I wondered if I could ever be a true friend to Sayaka-chan, and hated the way that I acted as nothing more than an accessory to her. Those two thoughts held constant sway over my mind.

And then… Sayaka-chan made a decision after long contemplation on her own. She made a contract with Kyuubey.

She became a magical girl in exchange for healing Kamijou-kun’s hand. She thrust herself into danger, exposing herself to the possibility of dying at a witch’s hand, fighting nearly every night without a single ally by her side.

Meanwhile, I stayed just as pathetic and cowardly as ever. Mami-san’s final moments constantly replayed in my head, stopping me from making a contract with Kyuubey.

And here I am again, crying alone in my room.

I laid in bed with the lights off, thinking about everything for hours.

Then, I heard the front door open downstairs. Glancing at the clock, I saw it was already 2 AM.

“Mommy…”

I jumped out of bed, threw on my cardigan, and dashed downstairs. By the time I made it there, Mommy was already gone, but I heard the shower running in her bathroom. She had tossed her bag and jacket down on the hallway floor, so I picked them up and headed into the dining room.

The dining room only had one light on, which illuminated a note from Daddy.

Good work today. There’s potato salad in the fridge.

I glanced it over, then sat down and waited for Mommy to finish her shower.

Before long, Mommy walked into the room in her bathrobe. “Oh… Madoka?”

“Welcome home.”

With a smile and a “thank you,” Mommy took potato salad out of the fridge and a whiskey bottle and glass from the shelf, setting it all down on the table and immediately tucking in. “Ahh, that hits the spot!”

I watched her happily clench her fists, leaning towards her with my chin in my hands.

Eventually, Mommy asked, “So, you couldn’t sleep?”

“No… Can we talk?”

“Of course.” Mommy stood up, grabbing another glass and some apple juice from the fridge, placing it in front of me. We clinked our glasses and silently whispered, “Bottoms up!” to each other. We had little mother-daughter drinking sessions like that every now and then.

“…So? What’s up?” Mommy asked, taking another sip of whiskey.

“My friend is… having a hard time. I don’t think she’s technically saying or doing anything wrong, but… it seems like the harder she pushes to do the right thing, the worse off she ends up.”

Mommy nodded to show she was listening. “Well, that happens more often than you’d think. It’s very frustrating, but doing the right thing doesn’t always guarantee a happy outcome. In fact, for most people, the harder they dig their heels into their idea of what’s right, the harder it is to actually be happy.”

“But that’s so wrong… people shouldn’t suffer when they don’t do anything wrong.”

Mommy nodded quietly.

“So.. what should I do?”

“Outsider interference can’t help her in that situation.”

That claim pricked at my heart. Is a friend really just an outsider?

Or maybe… the fact that I couldn’t be her friend made me an outsider.

Mommy watched me carefully. “Do you want to help, even if it’s not a perfect solution?”

It was an interesting proposal. I spent some time thinking it over, and eventually nodded.

“Then… you need to do something wrong.” Mommy gently touched the edge of her glass, smiling.

“…Something wrong?”

“Mhm. If she’s so concerned about doing what’s right, then you need to do something wrong for her. Tell a white lie, run from something scary… something that seems wrong at the time, but can be appreciated as the right move later. If she won’t give you any other options, then you might just have to step up and do the wrong thing.”

“But… will she understand I’m doing it for her own good?”

“Sometimes not. Especially in the moment. But I told you it wouldn’t be a perfect solution. Would you rather give up on her, or risk being misunderstood?”

“…” I didn’t know how to answer that. I wasn’t sure which choice was the right one.

Mommy suddenly poked her finger into my cheek. “You’ve become such a good girl, Madoka. You don’t tell lies or do bad things. You always strive for what’s right. You’ve got childhood down to a T. So it’s important that before you become an adult, you learn how to make mistakes.”

“Learn… mistakes?”

“Injuries heal faster when you’re young. Learning how to take a fall now will really help you out in the long run. Making mistakes takes a much bigger toll the older you get. The more responsibility you have, the less you can afford to slip up.”

“Hmmm…” I took a sip of the apple juice I’d left alone in the glass, pondering everything. Eventually, I managed to push out my question. “But… isn’t that really difficult?”

“Being an adult in general is difficult. That’s why you get to drink alcohol.” Mommy smiled, raising her glass slightly.

I broke out into a smile watching her. “I want to grow up fast so I can drink with you, Mommy.”

“Grow up quick. For all its difficulties, being an adult is fun.”

Mommy gently poked me on the forehead.

◯

Despite all I had discussed with Mommy, I still wasn’t sure what to do by the next day. I couldn’t even attempt a conversation with Sayaka-chan at school, for starters. When school ended, Sayaka-chan just gave a curt,  “Seeya,” and went home alone. Hitomi-chan asked me if something was wrong with her, but I could only offer up a vague reply before going home by myself.

I kept thinking about what Mommy had told me.

“If Sayaka-chan’s so concerned about doing what’s right, then I need to do something wrong…”

Would that mean asking Homura-chan to help Sayaka-chan again? Or finding Kyouko-chan and asking her to leave Sayaka-chan alone? Was there something I could do that would make the three of them come together to fight witches?

And besides, what did it even mean to make a mistake for someone? She already misunderstood me and was starting to hate me, so what else could I possibly do for her?

I still hadn’t figured anything out by the time I made it home and started eating the dinner Daddy made. I slogged through some homework before bedtime, and before I knew it, it was already late into the night.

“…I just don’t get it.”

I slumped down at my desk, grabbing at my hair.

[ …Madoka! ]

Kyuubey’s voice suddenly echoed in my head.

[ Madoka! Madoka! ]

“…Kyuubey?” I opened my curtains to find Kyuubey hanging onto my second-story window. He rolled in after I unlocked and opened the window.

“Come quick! Sayaka’s in danger! You have to follow me!”

“…Huh?!”

I snuck out, careful to be quiet so Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t catch me. Kyuubey jumped on my shoulder as I made it outside.

“Kyouko started messing with Sayaka.”

“…Huh?”

“It all started after you guys left school today,” Kyuubey explained. “Sayaka went to go visit that boy again, but he had already been discharged from the hospital, so she went to his house instead, but that was where Kyouko showed up.”

“That’s… not good…”

The mere fact that Sayaka-chan had gone to the hospital first meant she didn’t know about Kamijou-kun being discharged… which meant he didn’t tell her. Maybe he just forgot or something, but I knew that had to have cut Sayaka-chan deep.

Kyuubey nodded, continuing, “Kyouko knew about Sayaka’s feelings, and started antagonizing her. She asked if Sayaka was just gonna run home after chasing the boy around all day and not even face him.”

“…”

“And in what was probably her way of trying to be helpful, Kyuoko very harshly criticized Sayaka using her contractual wish on somebody else. She recommended that if Sayaka wanted the boy to truly depend on her, she should just break all his arms and legs so he couldn’t live without her.”

“…But that would just make Sayaka-chan–”

Really, really angry.

Sayaka-chan had always been extremely empathetic towards the pain that others felt; It was part of the reason why she looked out for me in the way she did. Kyouko-chan’s suggestion definitely would not have gone over well.

“Yeah. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sayaka that angry before.”

My heart froze over as I listened to Kyuubey.

“Another duel between them seems inevitable. I figured I’d call you over to account for the worst-case scenario.”

“…Th-The worst-case scenario?”

“It’s quite likely that Miki Sayaka will die, leaving her unavailable to fight witches.”

…No.

I couldn’t let that happen.

I pushed my shaking knees even harder and fought back my tears, running as fast as I could manage.

We were headed to the outskirts of the residential section of town, and I saw the highway that headed towards the next city over, with a small bridge spanning across it. Kyuubey dashed in front of me, acting as a guide.

The bridge acted as a blind spot on all sides. It was the perfect spot to have a duel without anyone being able to see. I had never really liked the place, and had wondered before why anyone would build something like it.

I was getting some serious stitches in my side, and I thought my lungs were going to explode, but I kept on running anyway. Countless car headlights passed below as I got on the bridge, even though it was so late at night.

And there they were… two shadows in the distance.

Kyouko-chan had already transformed into her red outfit, wielding her long spear.

Sayaka-chan was still in her school uniform, just glaring at the other girl. She flexed her arm, preparing to hold out her soul gem.

“Wait! Wait, Sayaka-chan!” I screamed. “Wait! Please stop!”

“…Madoka.” My voice managed to reach Sayaka-chan, and she turned her head slightly to the side.

I ran as hard as I could and managed to reach Sayaka-chan, grabbing onto her uniform. “You can’t do this, Sayaka-chan!”

“Don’t get in my way. This has nothing to do with you, Madoka.”

“No… you can’t do this! This isn’t you!” I ran out of breath from screaming so much, holding Sayaka-chan’s arm in a death grip.

I heard a loud chuckle. “Well, I guess annoying birds of a feather flock together.” It was Sakura Kyouko-chan, of course. She was chomping on some sort of chocolate-covered snack, sneering at Sayaka-chan and I. “Stop it, stop it, waah. Must be nice to be so simple-minded.”

But before Sayaka-chan could respond, a familiar voice cut in, “Oh, and where are your friends?”

Akemi Homura-chan had suddenly appeared behind Kyouko-chan. Kyouko-chan clicked her tongue, and Homura-chan whispered, “I remembered our conversation going differently. I thought I told you to keep your hands off of Miki Sayaka.”

Suddenly, it was all clear. Homura-chan had teamed up with Kyouko-chan. My final hope had been snuffed out. The idea that I could get all three of them to team up against witches was crumbling before my very eyes.

“Maybe I would if your way wasn’t so boring. I mean look, she’s motivated now, right?” Kyuok-chan said, flashing a grin at Sayaka-chan.

“Fine then.” Homura-chan took a step forward. “I’ll fight her. Don’t interfere.”

“Ho-… Homura-chan…”

What should I do?

What kind of mistake should I make for Sayaka-chan?

I clasped my hands together as if in prayer, thinking hard.

“Hmph. Fine. You have until I finish this,” Kyouko-chan said, withdrawing her spear and taking a bite out of her snack.

Both of them were completely relaxed.

“You…”

A strained voice lashed out from beside me.

“How dare you… look down on me…”

No.

Sayaka-chan’s face flushed, and she prepared to raise her soul gem.

My hand moved on its own.

It was probably only because Sayaka-chan hadn’t expected me to do anything, but her soul gem easily slipped into my hands.

“…Huh?”

I have to do this.

If a terrible witch were to reveal itself with the three of them in such a bad relationship, then… What happened to Mami-san would happen again. That would have made Mami-san so sad.

So there was only one thing I could do.

“Sorry, Sayaka-chan!” I apologized, throwing her soul gem down towards the highway with all my might.

“Wha-?!”

“Huh?”

“…Uh.”

Everyone else just stood in shock.

The soul gem flashed brightly before falling into a stream of bright headlights. It happened to fall on the back of a passing truck, then it was carried away.

Just as I breathed a sigh of relief–

“NO!” All the blood had drained from Homura-chan’s face. She leapt into the air, becoming swathed in light, coming back down in her black and white magical girl outfit. Then, she vanished.

“What do you think you’re doing, Madoka?!” Sayaka-chan yelled at me, but I shouted right back, holding back my tears.

“Because if I didn’t… If I didn’t, then it would never stop! I don’t want you getting into fights, Sayaka-chan!”

“Even if you–” As Sayaka-chan began her rebuttal, her eyes suddenly went blank. She collapsed into my arms.

“Huh? Sa-Sayaka-chan?!” Her sudden weight pushed us both to the ground, but I managed to turn her face up, screaming, “Sayaka-chan? Sayaka-chan! What’s wrong?!”

But her eyes were already vacant, and all the blood had drained from her lips.

“Well, that wasn’t very nice, Madoka,” Kyuubey suddenly interjected. “I thought you of all people would be better than to just throw your friend away like that.”

“…Huh? Throw her… away?” I dumbly repeated the words back, entirely confused.

Kyouko-chan ran over, roughly grabbing Sayaka-chan’s body from the ground and staring into her face.

“St-Stop!” I screamed, trying to shake her arm off.

Kyouko-chan’s eyes widened. “…Hey, what’s goin’ on here?!” She yelled at Kyuubey. “Why the hell’s she dead?!”

…Huh?

“Hey, I asked you a question!”

But Kyuubey stared at Sayaka wordlessly. Those red eyes sparkled in the night, and for the first time…

Something about it felt sinister.

“…Sayaka-chan… C’mon, Sayaka-chan… Wake up. Please?” I shook her body, calling out to her.

I was so scared, and I couldn’t understand what was going on. I grabbed her with all my strength, not even bothering to wipe the tears that flowed freely down my cheeks.

But Sayaka-chan’s neck just shook back and forth like a broken doll.

“Well, the thing about you magical girls…” Kyuubey suddenly began, his voice ever-calm and nonchalant, “Is that you can only control your bodies within about 100 yards.”

“100 yards? What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Normally you keep it right on hand, so accidents like this don’t happen very often…” Kyuubey’s response to Kyouko-chan’s interrogation was abnormally calm.

“What are you talking about, Kyuubey?! Save her! Don’t let Sayaka-chan die!” I screamed in a tearful voice.

“That’s not Sayaka. That’s just an empty shell.”

“…Huh?”

“Sayaka is what you threw away just now.”

It didn’t set in right away. I just sat there stunned as he continued to speak.

“I couldn’t possibly ask you girls to fight witches in your fragile human bodies. For a magical girl, your original body is no more than external hardware. Instead, your souls, your true selves, are given a compact and safe form that helps you more efficiently utilize your magical powers.”

Kyuubey just said all that like it was obvious. But what were we supposed to do with that information?

At the time, I didn’t even know the half of it.

“So that’s where I come in, the contract former.” Kyuubey turned those red eyes towards us coolly. “I extract your souls, transforming them into soul gems.”

My heart stopped.

Being a magical girl… isn’t a good thing. Mami-san’s voice echoed in my head.

Homura-chan’s followed in suit. The moment someone becomes a magical girl, she is beyond saving. The nature of our contract means that we give up everything else in exchange for the one thing that we have decided to place our hopes in.

That bitter regret in Homura-chan’s eyes suddenly stood out in my mind.

“You girls are always like that. They all have the same reaction when I tell them the truth.”

Tears covered my face as Kyuubey spoke with his ever-present smile.

“I’ll never understand you humans. Why are you always so hung up on the specific location of your soul?”

End of Volume 1

Afterword

It’s been about two years since I was approached with the task of novelizing Puella Magi Madoka Magica. There was the Nitro Plus release, the general distribution by Houbunsha, and now Seikaisha has announced the release of a new paperback version.

As I’m sure you’re all aware, Madoka Magica has become a worldwide phenomenon with countless fans, and as someone who had nothing to do with the original work, I am humbled by the opportunity to add my own comments to it three separate times. On behalf of all of those original creators, I would like to express my sincere gratitude to anyone who is a fan of this work.

Now, I’ve come to understand that this novel is well-known for being the “Sayaka-chan book”, since Madoka says it so much. I thought that was a bit overstated, but I went back through the galley proofs for the first time in a while and, yeah, it’s true. I’ve heard that someone counted 665 total uses of “Sayaka-chan” in the original Japanese. I’ve read through those galleys three times personally, so I have no idea how I hadn’t noticed until now. I guess I was trying so hard to live in that world as “Kaname Madoka” that I never really paid it any mind.

Thinking about it objectively, that is a huge number. Huge enough that I thought about editing it down for the paperback release. But looking back through, I felt that each and every “Sayaka-chan” carried with it Madoka’s love and feelings in that moment. With every scene and second, “Sayaka-chan” would carry a different rhythm, color, and weight, and I think each one is unique. So apart from correcting a few typos and misused expressions (of which I’m sure plenty remain), the republishing is more or less exactly the same.

I’m sure that the novel is unrealized in many ways, and several scenes deviate from the main anime series, but I can tell you confidently that I poured all my love into the making of this book. That said, I would be hesitant to try and pass this off as some kind of canon entry. I hope you can understand that I would prefer this story be considered a small branch growing from the large, thick trunk that is the main anime.

Hajime Ninomae, September 2013

Messages from the translation team

ShwampBam, Translator – Well, if the author gets an afterword for each volume, then I’m more than happy to provide my own ramblings.

Here I am in November of 2025 with another fast turnaround for a full volume. Less than two months to get this one out yet again. I didn’t think I’d match Just Because for speed, but tell you what, I just really enjoyed working on this book. My passion and skill seem to be growing side by side, leading to quick, efficient releases, even when returning to longer commitments in the form of entire chapters at a time.

No big translation notes this time around. It was hard to find good information on certain terminology in official translations. For example, the official English manga release has “Soul Gem” and “Magical Girl” capitalized in volume 3, but not volume 1.

I suppose with the author mentioning this as a “Sayaka-chan book”, it’s worth noting that my volume 1 draft is counted at 376 uses. In a lot of translations, you can replace the names used with pronouns or leave it to be implied, especially if the use of the name is beginning to get redundant. Seems the author was passionate about the purpose behind the name usage though, so I suppose all I can do is apologize for that not being fully realized. I do, however, greatly appreciate how consistently Madoka distances herself from her relationships with honorifics, proving her concerns about intimacy and friendship even in her thoughts.

Despite the author being less confident about the place of this work in the overall series, I must say I thought this to be a wonderful piece. I am extremely passionate about the story concept of the initial season of Madoka Magica, as I love themes about the battle of hope versus despair. This novelization really makes it personal with Madoka’s constant input, and the scenes that were changed only added to that impact. I was incredibly impressed by how much effort was made to blend the whole story together, given all the times the anime would simply cut and change characters, for it all to come back to who Madoka is and what she is doing. Even the original content was exceptionally organic and meaningful, like her extended conversation with her dad or memories of her time with Sayaka.

I know, I know, ShwampBam prefers the novel, stop the presses. But this novel really did just take an already solid story concept and tune it exactly in the way I like stories to be told, so what do you want from me?

Shaggy and I are both very excited about this project, so we’re doing a lot to beef up both volumes and give them a deluxe compilation, making as much content available as possible. It was hard to figure everything out between what’s available digitally, how the paperback releases worked, then the limited edition two-in-one they released with even more content, but we have gotten everything we need to make the IES releases an all-in-one package.

Well, instead of spending my whole life writing this note, I really just want to move on and get working on the next volume. Thanks to everyone who’s supported us and kept reading my translations. I hope you all enjoyed this as much as I did, and I am so excited to help bring the conclusion of this novelization to a new audience.

Until next time!