5

The next day was Friday, January 12th.

It was after school, and Mio was going out to Fujisawa Station with Sanae, Mayuko, and Momoka for the first time in a while. Sanae had invited her out, probably trying to calm her own nerves. After all, the National Center Test for University Admissions, commonly shortened to the Center Test, was coming up the next day.¹

Mio was taking the Center Test too, and considered declining, but whenever she was alone, she just ended up thinking about what happened the day before. Ultimately, she figured that she’d get so wrapped up in her thoughts by herself that she’d never get any studying in anyway, so it was better to go along.

But as the four of them sat in a family restaurant, Mio was reading through a vocab list when…

“I’m never gonna remember all this.”

Mio gave up 30 minutes in, letting her head fall down on the table.

“I’m done with the useless struggle.” Sanae slammed her own study book shut, reaching for her fries. She grabbed some right from the middle, dunking them in ketchup and scarfing them down.

Mio kept her head on the table, but turned to the side so she could put some fries in her own mouth.

“Oh, right, Mio. What went down with Souma?” Momoka leaned in, unable to contain her curiosity.

“Nothing. I gave him his eraser back.” No more and no less.

“Wait, what?” Mayuko asked, nibbling at her own fries. “Momoka told me that you went up and told him about your crush on him.”

“Huh?” Genuine surprise leaked into Mio’s voice.

“C’mon, like, what else could yesterday have been about? Obviously, Souma’s been the only thing on your mind for forever.” Mayuko snorted, completely convinced that she knew what was happening.

“Oh, that’s what these were about…” Mio had tied two shrine amulets to the handle of her school bag. Mayuko and Momoka had gifted them on the first day of the third trimester. One was for success in academics, and one was for success in love. “I’ve got the Center Test tomorrow. I can’t go around announcing my romantic feelings.” Mio suddenly sat up straight as a passing waitress gave her a cold glare, realizing how lazily she was lying about.

“Awww, that’s so boooring…”

“So does that mean you’ll tell him after the exam?”

“Well, I dunno. I could.” Mio opened her vocab book back up. She figured Mayuko and Momoka wouldn’t press her that hard while she was studying.

“If you don’t act soon, then he might go after someone else. Like that band girl,” Mayuko said, looking bored.

“As if,” Momoka said, laughing in an almost mocking way. But Mio didn’t have her confidence. Haruto definitely preferred the band girl.

“Alright, no more of that. We’ve got the Center Test to study for.”

Following Sanae’s blunt dismissal, the conversation ended.

Once the group left the restaurant, Sanae and Momoka went their own ways, since they took different routes home. Mayuko and Mio began walking towards the station together.

It was just past 4 PM, but the sun was already setting, dyeing the western horizon in red, like a scene from the end of the world.

“Hey, Mio.”

“Hm?” Mio noticed that Mayuko had stopped a ways behind her. She turned around to find Mayuko watching her with a rather serious expression. “What is it?”

“Are you really in love with Souma?”

Mio had posed her question with a smile, but Mayuko’s was delivered with a straight face.

“…” Mio didn’t know how to respond. Before she could put anything together, Mayuko continued.

“We can’t do anything to support you if you won’t let us in, Mio.” She didn’t say it out loud, but Mayuko’s eyes asked, We’re friends, aren’t we?

“Well, I don’t fully know myself… I kinda thought that if I just gave back the eraser I’d been holding onto forever, it would all just neatly resolve itself.”

The smile that came upon Mio’s face at that moment wasn’t a fake one, and it wasn’t a smile to gloss over the situation. It was just how she felt. An honest expression of her thoughts, feelings, and confusion.

“It kinda felt like summer homework that I had put off forever. I finally did it, and before I knew it, it was just over… I was happy, but something about it felt… incomplete. It made me question what I’d been doing this whole time, and I don’t really know what it was all for.”

Mio knew she was practically incomprehensible, but she just didn’t know how to describe the emotions she was feeling.

“What’s that about?” Mayuko finally let out a chortle, possibly finding Mio’s answer funny. “You don’t sound like yourself at all. You’re talking like a little kid.” She took a few steps forward, matching Mio. “C’mon, let’s go.”

The two began walking towards the station again.

“But, thank you. I’m glad you told me.” Mayuko wore a relieved smile, but Mio could only offer an ambiguous grin.

Mayuko had been talking very casually, but what she had said had truly cut through to Mio’s heart.

Mio and Mayuko parted ways at the station, and as Mayuko took the train, Mio began her bus ride home to Kamakura alone. She found an empty seat, casually glancing out the window. The cityscape before her was blanketed by the night.

The bus stopped at a red light. The new light source reflected Mio’s blank, spaced-out expression almost too perfectly in the window.

“…”

It was just like Mayuko had said.

She was talking like a child.

Perfectly on the mark.

Mio had found a special treasure, and did everything she could to protect it… and she had always and forever tried to protect it alone. Her one-sided crush had begun in middle school, and that was where it had stayed. She never told anyone, especially not her crush, so that nobody else could ever know. Because it was precious, and it was special, and it wasn’t worth hurting anyone over…

But really, the only thing she hadn’t wanted to hurt was her own feelings… and herself.

She had so carefully protected the part of herself that cherished those feelings, so that she could never be hurt by them. All the way up until yesterday, when she returned the eraser…

For so long, she had naively believed that her feelings were unchanged, and remained exactly as they always had in her heart. And in some ways, that wasn’t wrong. But Mio herself was not the same girl she used to be. She’d graduated middle school and started high school. In fact, she was about ready to graduate high school, at which point she’d become a college student. It wasn’t possible for things to be the same as they used to be. And in many ways, there was no reason for them to be.

Give it long enough, and the desks in elementary school start to look awfully small…

The place where she used to go in middle school even felt tiny and cramped…

From her new perspective, Mio began to wonder if those pure feelings she used to hold had simply become nothing more than a nostalgic memory. It was like the old stuffed animals she used to have that she could no longer remember why she loved so much… Nothing stayed the same forever.

The realization was at once confusing and relieving. She felt like a new person, but one that had just woken up, and didn’t understand what was going on. So she didn’t really know what to do.

But for the moment, she had the Center Test to take the next day, so she pulled her study books out of her school bag. Before she could crack them open, her phone vibrated in her bag.

She had received a LINE message.

It was from Hazuki. A few more came in, all of them short.

I talked to Souma-kun.

I could only do it thanks to your advice.

Thank you so much.

A moment later, she received another LINE message from a group chat. It was the group of five from the aquarium trip. The first message since New Year’s came in the form of a stamp.

It was from Haruto, and it said, Been a while! with an animal mascot bowing. Another quickly arrived with the text Let’s go out again!

Mio didn’t know what Hazuki had said.

She didn’t know how Haruto responded.

But that was okay. So she typed out a response.

As soon as exams are over!

The bus arrived at a stop.

“Oh, I’m getting off here!” Mio shoved the books she still hadn’t opened back into her bag and stood up, phone in hand. She got off the bus following behind someone, careful to watch her step.

Just then, a piece of something akin to white cotton passed from the top of her line of sight down.

“Wait, no way. Snow?”

Mio looked up to find that it was indeed snowing. Infinite, light flakes fell from the sky, one after another… but she was only under its spell for a moment.

The bus closed its doors and began moving. She became aware of someone on the other side of the road. The voices of a cheerful girl and a shy boy.

Her eyes moved naturally towards the other side of the road. She thought she recognized those voices…

And she was absolutely right.

Before Mio’s eyes were Eita and Ena.

Ena had jumped onto Eita’s back, grasping him in a hug. Eita was letting Ena hug him from behind.

“Why…”

Mio’s unconsciously mumbled word faded into the snowy night.

End of Chapter 4

Footnote

¹ The Center Test was a standardized test used as a benchmark to help universities and students alike determine their possible education choices. Some universities would have normal admissions while allowing the Center Test as an alternative to determine acceptance, while others (mostly national universities) would require the Center Test results alongside their own secondary exam. The Center Test was replaced in 2021 by the Common Test for University Admissions, which serves the same purpose. return