5

Kei left the coffee shop, and headed for the shrine. He recalled his first meeting with Nonō Seika. Two resets later, and they had finally reached a timeline where it was later in the day of their initial introduction. A stall that had been in construction each previous visit was now selling takoyaki. Kei bought a serving, and began climbing the stone steps. He proceeded up the now familiar mountain trail, and reached the recognizable shrine surrounded by cats.

There sat Nonō, given away immediately by her pale white skin. Her eyes were closed, sitting in the exact position as their initial meeting. However, there was a marked difference in the form of a gray cat. It lay at her side, eyes closed and yawning peacefully, waving its crooked tail.

“Hello there,” Kei spoke up.

Nonō slowly opened her eyes. “Oh, it’s you.”

“Want some?” Kei offered, holding out his tray of takoyaki.

Nonō happily accepted one, before opening her bag and remarking, “I didn’t bring any mayonnaise with me.”

The gray cat stood up and made room on the stairs, so Kei sat down in the now-open space. The cat then clawed his way up Kei’s back, settling down on his head. He was quite heavy.

Nonō put her takoyaki in her mouth. Usually, someone who couldn’t handle hot food was thought to have a cat’s tongue, so Kei was surprised and a little disappointed at how eagerly she ate her snack. Kei grabbed one for himself and took a bite, careful not to tip the cat resting on his head. The bedlam of the festival could be heard far below. Although the real fun would only begin later tonight, things were already much busier and louder than your average shrine.

“You’re awfully quiet today,” Nonō commented.

Kei smiled. “I couldn’t think of anything to say. It was kinda throwing me off, to be honest.”

“So you didn’t come here for any particular reason?”

“Well, I was thinking of climbing a tree.” Every now and then, Kei got the urge to climb up high somewhere, and look at far away places. “You might not remember this, but we had a conversation about the world’s kindest words. Things like, is it kinder to say, “I’m home” or, “Welcome home,” or shortcake versus whipped cream.¹ We made a lot of different comparisons.”

Nonō tilted her head, thinking for a moment, before ultimately replying, “I can’t recall that.”

“That’s only natural. We used an ability that has that side effect.”

“Then there’s no ‘might’ about me remembering it at all.”

“No, there isn’t.” The cat finally jumped off of Kei’s head.

A handful of sleek clouds floated in the sky. The sunlight reflected brightly, quickly bringing up the temperature. The yellow-green trees were hushed like a young child in deep sleep, while the cicada cries came and went, overlapping in waves. The scent of grass surrounded the air as the cat yawned once more.

“We never ended up coming to a concrete answer,” Kei commented. Although they were discussing the kindest words in the world, all they did was reflect on each other’s ideas. They never asked each other for anything more. “I think both of us realized how pointless it all was.”

“You’re probably right,” Nonō answered.

Kei was certain that Murase wanted to say something. But she probably didn’t know what to say or who to tell. Even supposing she had the right methods, so far she had never managed to get her message across to anybody.

Surely things were the same with Tsushima; he just wanted to talk. He wanted a personal conversation, one-on-one, where he could discuss what he knew about Murase.

It all came down to words in the end. If someone were perfectly proficient with words, then perhaps they could settle all of their issues peacefully. Maybe this whole situation simply came down to the two people that couldn’t find the right words in the year following her brother’s death.

I love communicating, that girl had once said.

Kei had given up on trying to find the kindest words in the world a long time ago.

“I have to do something truly terrible tomorrow.” He was definitely going to make someone cry. It seemed like that was the only way, even if things went perfectly to plan. At the end of the day, Kei just didn’t know the right way to tell her.

“If you don’t like it, then don’t do it,” Nonō said.

“Unfortunately, that’s not going to cut it. Even if I chose not to do it, more bad things would just take its place.”

“Are you sure that there’s no better way?”

“There probably is. I just can’t think of it.”

“Then ask someone else for help.”

“Even you?”

“I’ll help if it’s in my power. If I can’t help, then don’t bother.”

The wind was blowing, and it felt very nice. Kei shook his head. “The worst part of it is that I don’t feel all that guilty.” He would like to do anything else, if at all possible. It’d be wonderful to do things that made everyone happy, like saving cats.

“So why are you here?”

“I wanted to climb up somewhere high, so I could look off into the distance. That’s all, really.” Unfortunately, all Kei could see was what was right in front of him. The dread of tomorrow remained unchanged.

Nonō whispered quietly, her face unmoving. “If it hurts that much, then you should just come out and say it. Be honest.”

“I’m always honest about how I feel.”

“Then you should tell Haruki instead. I’m sure she’d be glad to hear it from you. Not to mention she’d know exactly what to say in response.”

“The thing is, I would hate to do that most of all.” Kei stood up with an exaggerated stretch. What the heck am I doing here, anyways? Just wasting a bunch of time. I shouldn’t keep taking this out on her.

“Feeling better?”

Kei nodded. “Yup. I’ll bring some cream puffs next time. Unless you’d prefer takoyaki with mayonnaise?”

“Depends on the mood, but generally speaking, I’d be happier with the cream puffs.” Nonō gave a small smile. “You should come by again. It’s pretty fun to watch you act so vulnerable.”

“Well, not to brag or anything, but I’m quite the vulnerable person.”

In Kei’s experience, these kinds of problems didn’t end happily ever after.

✽

As dusk settled on Sakurada, Haruki Misora headed towards the shrine. She stopped at an apparel shop and faced the display window. She was uninterested in the store itself, and simply wished to see her own reflection. Unfortunately, the glass must have been specially treated, or perhaps the lighting was bad, because the window didn’t function well as a mirror. Haruki wore her light purple yukata, but could only recognize her silhouette.

She had made sure to iron her sleeves very carefully the previous night, but couldn’t help her worry. She raised her arm to check the sleeves again. Suddenly, she was struck with the realization that even if she found an issue, she lacked the tools to fix it here. She was simply dawdling and wasting her time, and being late for her rendezvous was out of the question.

Her greatest regret was her barrette. She had spent a fair amount of time the previous day looking for one. However, she couldn’t find one that worked for her. She visited several shops, but never got the right feeling from anything she saw, and wound up returning home empty-handed. She did have an interest in fashion, but had only just started to nurture it; she hardly knew any good shops in the area.

In the end, Haruki shook it off, and headed for their agreed meeting place. Kei was already standing in front of the stone steps. “I am sorry to have kept you waiting,” Haruki apologized, getting his attention.

Kei turned to her with a smile. “You’re still ten minutes early. I just didn’t have anything else to do, and ended up killing time here.”

“Oh, I see.” If you had all that free time, you could’ve just wandered around the festival, Haruki thought. But she also knew that deep inside, she didn’t want him seeing everything by himself first.

“I was eating some takoyaki with Nonō not too long ago.”

“Is Nonō-san here at the festival, too?”

“She didn’t seem interested in coming to the festival with us. She just stayed up at the shrine with all her cats.”

Haruki put all her effort into a displeased expression. “You have been spending quite a bit of time with other girls recently.”

“Yeah, and I’ll be meeting up with Murase-san tomorrow, too.”

“Am I coming with you?”

“Mhm. I’d actually much prefer it that way.”

His phrasing was somewhat unusual, and it made Haruki uncomfortable. She couldn’t see his face very well in the twilight.

“Your yukata looks great on you,” he commented.

“Thank you very much.” Haruki melted into a sweet smile.

“I hope that this can complete the look,” he said, handing over a small paper bag.

Unsure, Haruki took it. “What is this?”

“Well, simply put, it’s a present.”

Haruki was truly surprised. As she opened the bag, her breath was unexpectedly halted. When she saw what was inside, a second wave of shock overcame her.

It was a simple barrette, colored a deep red. Exactly the one she was looking for. She had searched everywhere for it yesterday. I’m so glad I couldn’t find it. Getting it from Kei made it all the more special.

“How?” Even as the word came out, she knew that she didn’t care. It didn’t matter how.

She hurriedly offered her thanks, immediately putting it on. Oh, why don’t I ever carry a hand mirror? It was like poetic justice for always getting so upset at her classmates applying makeup in class. Goodness, I really should be more prepared for these situations.

“Does it look… strange on me?” She asked nervously.

Kei gave a small nod. “No, it looks pretty great.”

Haruki smiled. She was truly happy, from the bottom of her heart.

However, her more rational side held doubts. It was very rare that Kei would buy her a present for no reason. Sure, he would buy her a can of juice every now and then, but that was entirely different. This was only the second time that she received something that felt like a true present aside from Christmas and birthdays.

Her thoughts wavered back and forth. There must be some reason for this. Oh, who cares. Back and forth she went, before coming to her conclusion. Whatever the reason, it didn’t matter.

“Let’s go visit the shrine first,” Kei said, making his way up the stone steps. Haruki quickly lined up next to him. She almost began humming a tune involuntarily, but managed to control herself.

She threw some small change in the offering box and clapped her hands together, before realizing something. “What god is meant to inhabit this shrine?”

Kei whispered back, his hands still together in prayer. “I dunno. I just kinda offer up a general thank you in these situations. I think whoever it is will appreciate it.”

Haruki nodded and followed his advice. She tried to think of a wish worthy of her five cents, but nothing came to mind.

By the time the pair made their way through the throngs to buy candy apples, it was already after 7:00. Haruki enjoyed festivals after dark. All the stalls were wrapped in cheap-looking lights, reflected on the surface of her candy apple. It looked incredibly beautiful.

Haruki slowly ate her candy apple. She was almost pulled in by a goldfish scooping stall, but didn’t want to deal with the trouble of actually succeeding. Kei fished for water balloon yo-yos, and got himself one. He missed out on a second one because the part to hook was still underwater. Haruki still thought getting one was plenty impressive.

When Haruki finished her candy apple, Kei gave her the water balloon yo-yo, since her hands were free. She attached it to her finger, and swung it up and down. The sounds of water sloshing through the balloon were comforting.

They ate takoyaki, and drank ramune.

They tried a shooting gallery, but didn’t win any prizes.

Kei was smiling the whole time, but Haruki knew how much he hated crowds. She planned on saying, “We should head home soon,” so many times, but kept missing her chance.

She was so happy. Everything else just seemed to fall away.

When they had been everywhere, and Haruki was relaxing in complete contentment, Kei spoke up.

“There’s something I need you to do for me tomorrow.”

She knew from the way he was acting that it was not something she wanted to hear. She remembered her barrette, and anxiety seized her. But, no matter what he asked of her, she would acquiesce. That was not up for debate.

He began speaking, slowly and deliberately. He explained everything that would happen before her very eyes the next day.

It was absolutely horrible. It took an incredibly long time for her to manage a nod of compliance.

✽

Kei was convinced that the time between closing your eyes in bed and falling asleep was when people were most attuned to their past. All that was available was either memories or fantasies. But fantasies could only come once you were swept into your dreams, which just left you with memories.

Lying in his bed, Kei recalled a certain event. Then again, recalled wasn’t quite the correct terminology. After all, if it could be recalled, it could be forgotten, and Kei’s ability made that impossible.

The event that replayed in his head happened in the autumn of two years ago. It was shortly after that girl had died.

“Everything’s going according to plan.”

It was Kei’s own voice, but he didn’t like hearing it. It was not a good feeling to listen to the voice of someone who had completely misunderstood the world around him. He imagined it was similar to writing your own song, recording it, then playing it back ten years later. Although it made him want to cringe endlessly with embarrassment, he had no choice but to accept the reality he was experiencing. At the very least, it was better than forgetting about it and committing the same future errors.

“A single word from me and my victory over you will be solidified.”

Standing behind Kei were two girls and one boy. One of those girls was Haruki Misora. Kei didn’t need to see her to know what kind of face she was making. Or rather, not making. She would have been completely expressionless. Haruki couldn’t make any facial expressions back then. Even now, her library of expressions was small, but it was significantly more versatile than it had ever been.

With that said, what kind of expression was Kei making? Unfortunately, he knew all too well. He was smiling. Caught up in the swell of his own perceived grandeur, believing he was all-powerful, of course he would be smiling away. If he was watching someone else, he would have sighed and resolved not to be like them, but he was watching himself, so all he could do was frown.

Standing and facing that confident smile were several staff members of the Administration Bureau. The object of Kei’s taunts was the woman in her mid-twenties, all the way in the back. She was known as, “The Index”.² She was the singular woman with access to the libraries of information the Bureau had on Sakurada’s abilities.

The woman spoke. “Are you even aware of what you’re doing?”

Kei of that time nodded. “Of course I am.”

Immediately, The Index chastised him. “Incorrect. If you knew anything of what defying the Bureau meant, you wouldn’t be pulling this little stunt.”

“Well, that’s a thought. Here’s one from me: maybe if your little Bureau was as wonderful as you thought, you wouldn’t even be in this situation.”

“What situation? Do you really think you’re the one holding the power here?”

Kei gave a slight shake of his head. “I mean the very situation we’re facing. It’s happening right now, and will continue into the already determined future. I’m talking about this exact situation, where you keep spouting your drivel and underestimating me.”

The Index frowned, and slowly looked over her opposition. “I know everything about your powers. You’ve quite the fascinating combination, but do you really think it compares to what we have at our disposal?”

“Of course I do. I know everything about your powers, too. Not only that, I know every action you’re going to take. There’s not even the possibility of failure.” The Index didn’t ask what that meant, but Kei continued explaining regardless. “This is my second time meeting you all in this time and place. I’ve reset, and I haven’t forgotten a thing. In fact, we exchanged this exact conversation last time, word for word. It’s almost comical.”

“Just by telling us about resetting, you’ll have already changed our responses.”

“Yeah, I said that in the last timeline. I lied.”

“How foolish.”

“Yup, and that’s exactly what you said.” Kei’s smile grew even larger. “So, can you act differently from the previous timeline? Be careful, you should think it over slowly. What should you do? How do you react to this move, or that one? Should you use direct tactics, or underhanded ones? You’ll think and think and think, and in the end, you’ll just do exactly what you did last time.”

For a long time, The Index simply stared at Kei. When she finally spoke, her words were slow and purposed. “What do you want?”

Those were the words Kei had been waiting for. He didn’t care why, he just wanted somebody to listen, somebody to give in. Under most circumstances, the Bureau would never ask such a question. In fact, he had expected an immediate, silent counterattack.

But this woman broke the mold. She made a compromise. Everything’s going my way, the Kei of that time thought.

“I want to bring a girl back to life. I’m looking for an ability to accomplish that.”

But such a thing could not be done.

It wasn’t for a lack of trying on Kei’s part. He involved countless people in his pursuit of that singular goal. He didn’t care who it was, and he didn’t care what he had to do. Blackmail, violence, threats, his reputation and the aftermath be damned. But even after all that…

Sakurada did not have an ability that could bring back the dead.

Kei, that is, the present Kei, lay in his bed, coming to terms with his past. He quietly thought of someone else. One Murase Youka, who wanted with her whole being to bring her brother back to life.

But even if she got control over the entirety of the Administration Bureau, that goal could not be achieved.

Footnotes

¹ If we considered ittekimasu and itterashai the leaving phrases, what’s at play here would be the returning phrases. He’s using ただいま, “tadaima”, and おかえり, “okaeri”, respectively. Someone would say “tadaima” as they enter their house, having returned from work or school or what have you, and the person there to receive their return would say “okaeri”. Although I would consider such return phrases more common than their leaving counterparts for English speakers, we still don’t necessarily have standard phrases in English, so the exact wording could be toyed with, but these are strict, standard, and recognizable in Japanese. return

² Same situation as The Operator, but more straightforward. 索引さん, “Sakuin-san”, meaning the index of a book. It’s only ever used as or for that singular term, and since this is also more of a title than a name, I am omitting the honorific. return